


Teal and Gold

by Chainlocker



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alcohol, Artist Alina, Attempted Kidnapping, Comfort/Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, I mean like. slowish burn tbh, I'm literally incapable of writing short fics I'm so sorry, Light Angst, Modern AU, Nikolai has no chill but Alina takes a while to let him in, Nikolai is a bartender kind of, Nikolai is the best bartender, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, anyway, if I do it's the vaguest thing ever but oh fucking well I guess, kinda anti mal sorry, nothing awful happens its just not. great., the kidnapping gets cut off like two steps in don't worry, whoo I'm a fucking mess lmao, would you believe that I have like eight Grisha fics in my docs right now cause
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:35:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 34,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21818263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chainlocker/pseuds/Chainlocker
Summary: Alina is designated driver for when Mal and his friends want to go out drinking on the weekends. Which is every weekend. It's not too bad - she sits at the bar with her phone, orders some water, and waits it out. But she never expected her habit to be noticed by a damnably handsome bartender. And she never expected for that bartender to be so interested in someone like her.
Relationships: Nikolai Lantsov/Alina Starkov
Comments: 38
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> SO despite the fact that this is not the first fic that I've posted, this is the first fic that I had written for the Grishaverse... and OOF the lack of angst is startling after working on His Savior for so long. Not unwelcome, though, cause honestly I missed my baby Nikolai.
> 
> (Also literally I have six Grishaverse fics in my google docs account that I'm semi-actively working on and all of them are no less than at least 3000 words so I'm just a goddamn meSS, I'm 100% incapable of writing proper short stories)

“You doing anything after this?” A voice spoke out to her, and Alina had a moment where she considered simply not responding. But she looked up at the seat next to her, finding it empty - then over her shoulder, finding no one there, either. Then the bartender cleared his throat, giving her a small smile.

“Oh.” She blinked and looked down at her glass. If she was being honest, she hadn’t really been paying attention to the bartenders tonight. She rarely did, outside of ordering a glass of water to sip on while she waited for Mal and his friends to tire themselves out before driving them all back home. She glanced over at where she had last seen Mal - right now he was sucking face with some disgustingly attractive girl with perfect black curls framing her face - and then tore her gaze away to again look at the bartender. “I’m… yeah. I’m designated driver, unfortunately.”

“Ahh.” He leaned against the bar with a smirk, hazel eyes meeting hers, inspecting. “But aren’t you always? I’ve seen you here before, all you do is sip on water and wait for your friends.”

She grimaced. “Yeah, basically. I don’t have the affinity for alcohol that they do, so I just get roped into it.”

“Why not call them a Lyft, just for tonight?” He leaned his head onto his fist, his cheek squishing in an unfairly adorable manner. “I’d really like to get to know you.”

Her hands curled around her cold glass, gaze once again dropping to the clear liquid. “I don’t even know your name,” she mumbled.

“Well, that’s an easy fix. I’m Nikolai.” He held his hand out lazily, his smirk growing and softening into an easy grin. “Nice to meet you… Alina, right?”

She nodded and took his hand, giving it a light dip of a shake. “Nikolai… alright. Nice to meet you.”

A voice across the bar called for a bartender and he broke away with a grin. “I’ll see you around, Alina.”

For a few moments she watched him head off to the other customer, taking their order and quickly flipping a few bottles, eye-balling amounts as he mixed their drink. She watched as a couple of girls flirted at him, and he laughed boisterously, welcoming more to the bar for drinks.

And then Alina was distracted as a heavy arm slung across her shoulders, a breath stinking with the scent of alcohol washing over her. “Sticks, you gonna join us?” She recognized Mikhael’s voice and leaned away, pushing his arm off of her.

“No, I’m fine, Mikhael.” She glanced over his shoulder, realizing that she couldn’t find Mal anywhere in the crowd, nor could she find the pretty girl that had been with him the last time she saw him. They had probably found a shadowy corner to do their business in. She sighed.

“Alright, alright. Pretty sure Mal is close to blackout though,” he snickered. “Dubrov is pretty lonely though, sure you don’t want to join us?”

_ “Yes, _ Mikhael. I’m sure.” She puffed out a breath. Great. It sounded like she would have to be dragging Mal into their place, which had a fifty-fifty chance of ending up with her getting stuck in his bed as he drunkenly snuggled closer to her. Again. Which was never healthy for her heart, no matter the way she quietly longed for it. But eventually Mikhael shrugged and wandered away, snagging against some other girls that he attempted to woo.

“Yikes,” Nikolai spoke up from behind the bar once more. “That’s one of your friends?”

“Loosely,” she said. “More of a friend of a friend.”

“Ah.” He once again settled against the bar. “Seems rough.”

“Yeah.” She sighed and took a sip of her water. 

"So, is that an official no to my offer?"

"I don't know yet."

"Well, I get off in an hour. You're welcome to tell me your choice at any point, my dear."

Her lips quirked up at the ‘my dear’. “And if I don’t give you an answer?”

“Then I’ll be forced to think that you never want to see my face again. A real hit to the ego, that would be.” He grinned at her and tilted his head. “So who here is  _ actually _ your friend?”

Mal. The one that was, in all probability, fucking a despairingly good-looking girl in a shadowy corner, or maybe in the bathroom, or the back alley. The one that she had been in love with for years now but had been too much of a coward to do anything about it, because Alina was more terrified of shoving an awkward wedge between them than watching him fall in love with someone else. Like he did every other week, with a different girl or the same.

“You’ll probably see him once we start heading out,” she sighed. “He’s apparently pretty well drunk by now.”

“Oh boy, should I let the other bartenders know not to serve him any more?” Nikolai’s eyes glinted with a fair bit of mischief. “I’m more than willing to do that.”

“If you want,” she said quietly. She’d appreciate it, in all honesty, but she wasn’t about to be the one responsible for getting in the way of Mal and his weekend drinking.

Nikolai hummed and leaned forward to nudge her shoulder with a hand. “Hey, cheer up. You’re too cute to be looking so sad on a weekend at this bar.”

“Isn’t drinking what sad people do?”

He laughed. “You’re not wrong, but c’mon. Lighten up, sunshine. Have some fun, make some new friends. That’s what bars are for.”

“Maybe I want to drown my sorrows in drink,” she shot back, a grin pulling at her features unexpectedly.

“With what,  _ water? _ I don’t think that’s gonna work out the way you want it to.” He laughed again, throwing his head back this time as his eyes crinkled with his grin.

Alina grinned at him. “Don’t test my ability to drown myself in a glass of water, Nikolai.”

“Look, I know the whole thing of being able to drown in something like three centimeters of water, but come on. Don’t make me have to call an ambulance on my fun nights, alright? Or I’ll really have to take you out.”

An incredulous laugh left her, high and amused. “You’re just an absolute flirt, aren’t you?”

“It comes with the territory of being a bartender, sunshine.” He grinned. “Gotta keep the customers coming back for more.”

“Oh, right, right.” She leaned her head into her hand, raising her glass to her lips once more - just a moment before a weight crashed into her, sending the water splashing down her front, soaking her plain grey shirt. She was nearly knocked from her seat, stumbling as Nikolai snatched the glass from her hand to make sure it wouldn’t shatter against the bar.

“Whhhooops.” The voice next to her was slurring with drunkeness, but still unmistakable. “Sorry, ‘Lina.”

She sighed and righted herself on her seat, shivering as the soaked shirt touched her skin and made her cool down alarmingly quickly. “Mal, are you ready to go?” The ride home would be freezing in the middle of winter, even in her car, but she suddenly felt exhausted being here still.

“Yeah, Lina. Sorry.” He pouted and leaned against her, tucking his face against her neck and making her shiver a moment before she pushed him off so that she could stand.

Alina bit her lip nervously, glancing at Nikolai for just a split second before Mal pressed a hand to her belly, making her cold shirt press against her skin harder, shivers wracking her slight frame rather suddenly before she snatched his hand away. He giggled and leaned against her a bit more.

“Let’s just find the other two and get out of here Mal,” she grumbled. He grinned and latched onto her hand as she dragged him away from the bar to gather up Mikhael and Dubrov.

She shivered all the way home, and thankfully Mal didn’t trap her in his bed before she went up to her own, changing her shirt before crawling under her thick covers.

~~~

The next week, they were there at Volkvolny again. Mal had promised to not get as drunk again, but she knew he was lying, whether he meant to or not. He almost always drank until he was a fucking mess, and she had to put him to bed with a stack of pillows on one side to make sure he stayed on his side during the night, a steel bowl by his bedside for him to puke into if he needed.

So she sat at the bar, ordered a glass of water that she tipped the bartender a few dollars for, to be nice, and sank into her thoughts as she scrolled through her phone as she tried to distract herself with the few games she had.

It wasn’t too long until a just-familiar-enough voice called out to her. “Ah, my little ray of sunshine is back!”

She looked up to see hazel eyes grinning at her. “Are you sure you’re talking about me?”

“Absolutely, Alina,” he said with a grin. “Why wouldn’t you be the one I’m talking about?”

“I dunno, not people have called me a ray of sunshine. It’s mostly just ‘that weird bitch’ or Sticks, or ‘Mal’s duckling’ so…”

“Mal’s duckling?” Nikolai raised an eyebrow and leaned forward. “Please tell me that Mal isn’t the guy that drenched you last week.”

“Ding ding ding,” she said flatly. “He’s my best friend, has been for years, but… I dunno, I’ve never liked it much when he drinks.”

“Ouch.” Nikolai shrugged. “I assume that he’s better when he’s sober?”

Alina smiled. “Much.”

“Yeah, cause it definitely doesn’t seem like he’s the kind of guy that you would hang around willingly.” He tilted his head to the side, thoughtful. “If that’s not too offensive, that is. You just seem much too quiet to deal with someone so outgoing as he is.”

“Well, you’re not wrong… it’s just the way we grew up. We’ve always been best friends for as long as either of us can remember.” She shrugged.

Nikolai smiled. “Family friends or something? I’ve seen friends grow up like siblings before, it’s always kind of sweet.”

“Ah… not really.” She paused for a while, staring down at her glass of water like she so often did. It wasn’t a very well-known fact that her and Mal were orphans, a mutual agreement between the two of them. She knew that he had told a couple of people in the years that they had been living together after high school, but those people hadn’t stuck around for long. “We uh, we actually grew up in the same foster homes together. And we just kind of stuck together, found our way back to each other whenever we were sent off to different homes.”

Nikolai gave her a smile. “Ah, I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“It’s fine, it’s… not a very conventional way to grow up together.”

“Well, you’re not wrong. I’m kind of curious though, are the foster home horror stories true?” He leaned forward, an interested look in his eye. “You don’t have to tell, of course, but I’ve always wanted to know if people were faking when they say that the foster system is fucking awful.”

Alina shrugged. “I know that some kids got it worse than others, but I feel like I always landed in pretty good places, personally. I don’t know about Mal though, he probably got it much worse than me.”

He hummed. “Interesting. Maybe I’ll have to ask him-”

“Barkeep!” Mal came over with a grin. “Alina, are you actually making friends?”

She smiled a little as he looked at her, his eyes still bright and clear of alcohol so far. “Yeah, pretty much.”

He ruffled her hair with one hand, which she rolled her eyes and leaned away from, and he told Nikolai his order before dropping into the seat next to her as his drink was made.

“So what have you guys been talking about?”

“Not much,” she said, taking a gulp of her water as she lifted her phone, half focusing on her game.

“Not much like?” He looked at her, teasingly expectant.

She smiled a bit and shrugged. “I uh, just told him about how we grew up.”

Mal’s eyebrows pulled together. “You told him about Keramzin?”

“Not exactly, I just told him that we grew up in foster homes is all.” She shrugged and frowned at her phone, annoyed that her luck had run out just a moment before Nikolai slid Mal’s drink over to him with an easy grin.

“Having fun, you two?”

Mal flashed him a look and nodded. “Yeah, the night’s been just fine.”

“Good, good.” Nikolai ignored the look and shot Alina a grin. “Hope you two have a good night.”

And then he stepped away to serve a couple of other people as a crowd started to file in. Mal sat around with her for a few minutes before ruffling her hair again and disappearing to find Mikhael and Dubrov.

“You didn’t get in trouble with your friend, did you?” Nikolai came back around after a while, just as Alina was cursing viciously at her phone. She’d been stuck on this level for  _ ages _ because the game kept giving her the same pieces over and over again until she ran out of places to put the slices.

She looked up at him, her cheeks flushing with color - she didn’t often lose her temper over games, but god damn, this one was  _ annoying. _ “Ah? Oh, no, not really.”

“Not really?” He leaned over the bar, staring at her phone intently. He placed one of the pieces just as she was about to put it somewhere different, allowing her to clear the circles next to it with the next piece.

She huffed at his interruption, but continued on with her game nonetheless. “Usually we don’t really tell people how we grew up. It’s a sensitive thing for both of us, but more so for Mal since he had it worse than I.”

“Oh? Then why did you tell me?”

Alina paused and looked up at him, lips pursed as she stared. He was really very attractive, she realized, with a straight nose and somewhat curly, blonde hair that threatened to fall into his hazel eyes, a strong jawline and full lips made to grin.

“I don’t really make friends all that often,” she breathed, looking down at her phone as he continued to play on without her.

He hummed distractedly. “So you already think of me as a friend? I’m flattered.”

“Well…”

Nikolai looked up at her, an eyebrow raised. “Are you going to take it back? That’s just rude, I thought I was making progress.”

“I… I don’t know.” She deflated a little and he gave her an understanding look, though his near-constant smirk remained. “As I said, I don’t make friends that often. So I wasn’t really thinking when I told you.” But she had been, and she didn’t really regret telling him. It didn’t affect the way he saw her that much, did it? They had just met, he didn’t really have much to go off anyway, so finding out that she was an orphan shouldn’t be that horrible to find out when they were just getting to know each other.

“Alright,” he said. “But just remember, my offer to take you out sometime is still open. You can still just call a Lyft or an Uber for your friends, whichever you prefer.”

“But then I’d have to pay for it,” she stated, giving him a mournful look. “And that’s expensive, especially since the driver would likely have to haul their asses out of the car.”

Nikolai laughed. “I’m sure that most of their drivers are used to it at this point. I can pay for it, if you want, even tip the drivers for their trouble.”

She bit her lip, considering. But after a moment she shook her head. “I can’t, not tonight. But uh, thank you.”

“Of course, sunshine,” he stated, giving her a grin. “You don’t mind if I hang around when it gets quiet though, do you? I like this game you have.”

She glared at him. “You just like it cause you’re lucky.”

“Absolutely not. I’m just good at it.”

“You’ve barely been playing it for five minutes!”

“I’m good at a lot of things I try,” he said with an infuriating wink that had her blushing.

Alina huffed and hunkered down over her phone. “You’re awful.”

“What gave you that idea?” Nikolai laughed boisterously, before yet again he was called away.

~~~

The two of them continued to meet at the bar, every weekend when Mal and his buddies wanted to get smashed.

Which was every weekend.

Nikolai became her friend for those nights, keeping her company at the bar as she sat and waited for the three others to get done with their fun so that she could go home and tuck Mal in again.

He tugged little bits of information from her, like how she was a struggling artist working two jobs on the weekdays and sequestering away her weekends to dedicate herself to her craft. Or how her favorite color was bright blue (like Mal’s eyes) or the rich green of wild fields. Or little stories from her childhood that had Nikolai throwing his head back with laughter, clutching at his sides as she told him about pranks that her and Mal had pulled on their caretakers in different foster homes.

And he seemed to soak up all the information she gave him with all the wide-eyed excitement of a child being told grand stories from fantasy books, not the little bits of happy memories Alina had from her childhood. And despite that, Nikolai somehow managed to dodge most of the questions that Alina directed at him.

He worked at the bar strictly on weekends only, he was a college student majoring in international business management, mostly paid for by scholarships. That’s about all she knew about him, outside of the way he’d laugh with her over the things she found on her phone as she scrolled through Instagram or Tumblr or whatever caught her fancy. And the way his lips would press together as he focused on one of the puzzles she gave him. And the way he would pull his hair back into a tiny little ponytail, mostly for jokes made by the people he served drinks to.

But eventually, there was a little bit of a hitch with her plans of seeing Nikolai at the bar.

She was just throwing the strap of her purse over her shoulder as she stepped into Mal’s room, seeing him in sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt he’d had for years.

“We going tonight?” She blinked at him. She’d dressed up a bit, wearing a dark red shirt with straps holding the open shoulders together, some mascara, tight black jeggings. Something in her was wanting to see Nikolai’s reaction to her like this, something other than her usual loose jeans and baggy sweaters.

Mal blinked back at her in surprise. “Nnnn...o? I thought I told you, Dubrov is sick and Mikhael doesn’t want to go without him, so he’s going to be coming over here to hang out.”

“Ah.” Alina’s expression twisted a bit. “Then… I’m going to head out. For a bit.”

“You going to the bar without us?” Mal’s eyebrow nearly flew off his face with how high he raised it. “Dressed up like that?”

“Well… yeah.”

“You meeting someone there?” His head tilted up to meet her gaze. He looked confused… and concerned.

“No, I’m just spending some time outside the house if you’re going to be hanging out with Mikhael.”

“But you were dressed up before I told you that.”

“Yeah?” She frowned, feeling suddenly defensive. “I can dress up a bit if I want to, Mal. I don’t really need a reason.”

He stared at her for a few moments before shaking his head. “Alright, alright. Just be careful.”

She nodded decisively before turning to walk out. “I’ll see you later, then.”

“Yeah. And Alina…”

She turned back around to face him, an eyebrow raised. “Hmm?”

“You do look good.” He gave her a smile that sent her heart reeling. “Have fun, wherever you’re going.”

“Will do.” Alina smiled back at him before turning and rushing out the door, her heart beating a million miles an hour in the cold air, the sky already dark with winter. It was just a compliment - a single, dumb,  _ simple _ compliment, something that Mal probably gave to everyone he knew, but it still had her cheeks turning red as she dropped into the seat of her old run-down car.

She was grinning as she shivered, starting the car and pulling out of the driveway to get to the bar. It was odd to not make the stops at Mikhael and Dubrov’s house, but she made her way easily enough. She stopped and parked beneath the neat sign that read Volkvolny, taking a moment to let her car warm her up just a little more before she shut it off and quickly marched towards the door.

Inside it was much warmer, and thankfully there wasn’t too much of a crowd yet. She slid into one of the bar stools as she normally did, and in just a few minutes Nikolai was sauntering up to her behind the bar, a warm smile on his face.

“Hey, sunshine. You’re looking absolutely stunning, what’s the occasion?” He grinned and leaned closer.

Alina laughed, blushing at the compliment all over again. “Not much of an occasion for this, Nikolai. But I am alone for tonight, thank god.”

“Ohh?” He shot her a bright grin. “Does this mean that you’re finally going to take up my offer to let me take you out after I get off?”

“Hmm.” She put on a thoughtful expression, more theatrical than needed but oh well. She did actually want to think about it for a moment. Did she really want to go out on a date with Nikolai? When she was still, eternally it seemed, pining after Mal? But she  _ had _ kind of dressed up for him especially, the only person that she had wanted to dress up for in years since it just seemed… weird, to dress up for Mal. He never attempted to do so for her, anyway. “Sure, why not.”

His bright grin widened even more, eyes crinkling in happiness. “Well, may this shift be short, my little ray of sunshine. I think I got the perfect place in mind.”

“Oh? Do I get to know where this place is?”

“Now Alina, why would I ever give away the surprise?” He winked and paused for a moment. “By the way, what kind of music do you like?”

She hummed and then shrugged a moment after. “I dunno. I’ll listen to pretty much anything, honestly.”

“Alright… then I might be introducing you to some new tunes on the way.” And with that he poured her a glass of water on habit before he was pulled away across the bar, leaving Alina with a smile and her phone laid out in front of her.

She was watching him from the other end of the bar as he started slinging drinks around when she felt a heavy tap on her shoulder, and she turned to see a tall, ridiculously handsome man standing behind her, soft brown hair catching the light behind him. “Hello? Do you need something?”

“I was just wondering if you’d let me take such a pretty thing home with me,” he said with a lopsided grin.

She frowned. “Yeah, no. I’m not interested.”

He shrugged, but grinned all the same. “Alright. I’ll see you around, little mouse,” he said as he turned and wandered away.

“Little mouse,” she grumbled in annoyance, turning back around and reaching for her drink, only to find Nikolai there, swiping away her glass and throwing an absolutely poisonous glare to the man sitting to one side of her.

“Get out,” he spat to him.

“Hey, hey! What for?” The man held up his hands, looking somewhat shocked. Sweat gleamed at his forehead.

Nikolai looked as if he was about to lunge for the man’s throat. “I saw you put something in her drink. Now get out before I get security to drag you and your friend out. You are no longer welcome in the building.”

The people immediately around them paused as they heard the argument, and Alina felt herself start to retreat into herself. What had just happened? Did that guy really just try to slip something into her drink? What would have happened if Nikolai hadn’t been watching? A dark shiver ran through her, fear draining the blood from her face as the man retreated with a scowl, gathering his friend as he moved for the door.

And then Nikolai was moving, making his way out from behind the bar to stand next to her as her hands began to shake. He took her hands in his and pulled her to her feet, eyebrows drawn together in concern, ushering her through the crowd and in through a shadowed door.

It was brighter in this room than the bar usually ever was, all white walls and a counter where snacks were laid out. The employee break room, it seemed. Better than what she would have thought it was based on the atmosphere of the bar, she thought dimly. Her head was spinning, and distantly she realized that she was having a panic attack of some sort.

Nikolai sat her down on one of the soft black couches pushed against the wall, sitting beside her. He leaned a bit closer and her breath caught - he noticed and leaned back again.

“Alina, hey, how can I help?” His voice was soft, soothing.

Her hand shuddered as she reached out, wishing for the familiar calloused grip of Mal’s hand in hers. Instead it was Nikolai’s hand, soft and not quite as thick as Mal’s, fingers longer and nails nicely trimmed. Her breathing was surprisingly even, though her throat felt like it was constricting with tears, without any wetness on her cheeks.

And she clung to his hand, shivering, gaze locked onto the door, the tiles of the floor, the black velvet of the couch they were sitting on. Blank, not actually registering what she was seeing. She’d almost been drugged, taken away to who knows where, who knows what done to her before someone noticed that she was gone. She’d gone out alone. She was so  _ stupid, _ what was she thinking? If Nikolai hadn’t been there to watch out for her…

His free hand slowly slid up her arm from her hand, a quiet warning of his touch, stilling her shivers for a moment before he reached the base of her neck, and he drew his hand through her white waves of hair.

“Alina, it’s alright now,” he murmured. Seriousness didn’t fit right on him, not quite. He was made for smiles and teasing, flipping bottles just to show off. Again his hand dragged through her hair.

She whined quietly and leaned into his hand, anxiety pulsing through her in desperate waves, afraid to close her eyes and find out that this was a trick as well.

But he kept up his gentle motions, twining his fingers into her hair, fingertips brushing against her scalp. And eventually her shaking fell away, leaving her in a state of exhaustion that had her mind buzzing with an echo of blankness.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured finally, leaning against the back of the couch, facing Nikolai next to her.

Nikolai smiled and shook his head with a scoff of disbelief. “Alina, sunshine, there’s nothing to apologize for.”

She knew there wasn’t, but it felt like the right thing to say. The yawning cavern of her thoughts echoed back that there was, in fact, something to apologize for. But those were just twisted thoughts, remnants of her panic attack. So she stayed silent for now.

He swiped his thumb over the back of her hand, letting out a faint huff of a laugh.

Alina looked up at him with a faintly curious hum, finding him staring at where he held her hand.

“Sorry, I just guess… you’ll be wanting to return home now, after all that.”

“I don’t know,” she whispered. She honestly didn’t. She felt exhausted enough to pass out, but… there was a good chance that Mikhael was still at the house, and she very definitely did not want to deal with him after the events of tonight. It would be a while until she would be comfortable enough with him around to actually fall asleep. Probably better to keep herself awake and distracted than have a silent panic attack in her bed listening to an invader to the comfort of her own home shouting his amusement downstairs.

“It’s fine, Alina.” Nikolai squeezed her hand. “I don’t want you to push yourself. I can drive you home, pick you up in the morning so you can get your car-”

“I don’t wanna go home yet,” she said, her voice strangled to a frantic whisper.

Nikolai stopped before slowly nodding. “Alright. Wanna hug?” He held out an arm for her, and after a moment of internal debate, she nodded and moved closer to him, snuggling into his side as he settled his arm around her shoulders.

This close, she could smell the faint cologne he wore, feel the heat radiating from his body under the suit vest uniform. It made her realize just how tall he was, how broad his shoulders were as he moved to check the time on his phone, sticking his long legs out in front of them as he got comfortable next to her.

“You probably have to get back, don’t you?” She mumbled against his shoulder, eyes slowly sliding closed as she waited for his answer.

“Nah. I could call out now, the others would understand.”

The door opened and her head jerked up before Nikolai rubbed a hand up and down her arm soothingly. A woman stood at the door, dressed in a security uniform, dark eyes taking them in.

“Nikolai, we got pictures of the two of them, and footage of the attempt. Want us to send it into the police?”

He nodded. “Yeah. If they have any questions, give them my number. I’ll take care of it.”

She nodded to the two of them before disappearing back through the door. He leaned his head against Alina’s with a quiet sigh.

“Is that alright? I don’t know if you’d want to handle an investigation right now, but if you feel up to it…”

She shook her head. “Please, no.”

“Yeah, that’s about what I thought,” he chuckled quietly. “Glad that Tamar is so sharp, though. I’ll be glad to know that the two of those guys will at least get a warning on their record, if not anything worse.”

Alina closed her eyes again and nodded silently, letting herself lean against him. He was strangely comforting to simply have near, despite the fact that all their interactions so far were always separated by the granite-topped bar between them.

After a minute or two of his fingers running up and down her arm, he squeezed her to get her attention. She looked up at him, batting a piece of hair away from her face.

"Do you want to go out on our date? Or would you rather just hang out at my place for a while?"

For a moment Alina had to pause -  _ our date. _ Not that she didn’t know that it was a date, but there was something about actually hearing it said that made her heart give a single hard thump in her chest. A date with someone that wasn’t Mal… who would’ve thought it would have been with a person like Nikolai.

“Where are you planning on going for our date?” She said quietly, a smile growing over her features.

“Well, I can’t just keep it a secret now, after the night you’ve had.” He sighed and leaned against her. “I was going to take you up the mountain trails to this little spot I like, stargaze for a bit. But… I dunno, you might not want to be alone with a stranger right now.”

Alina lightly smacked his chest with a hand, rolling her eyes just a little. It was a bit weird to realize that she could do that now, with him so close. Before, the only contact that they had shared was the barest brushes of fingers as he served her glasses of water, or the two of them standing over her phone trying to play a game at the same time as they laughed together.

“You’re not just a stranger to me, Nikolai,” she murmured.

“Oh? I suppose you have called me a friend for a little while now.” He grinned and pressed his head to hers, the mood lightening with his expression, his natural warmth. “I should be honored, the great Miss Alina has chosen me to join the ranks of her friends!”

She scoffed. “Ah yes, the many, many friends that follow my every move and laugh at everything I say.”

“Oh, but isn’t it nice for me to be one of them? You gotta know that I’m watching your back now.” A sly fox grin curved his lips and he laughed.

“I mean, especially after tonight…” She stuck her tongue out a little to stave off the shiver that threatened to resurface.

And she was taken by surprise when Nikolai raised her hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it as his eyes stayed trained on hers. “I  _ am _ watching your back, Alina. I hope you know that. I don’t just chase people out of my bar for fun.”

_ “Your _ bar, huh?” She drew her hand away with a blush before pressing her face against his shoulder, which definitely didn’t help her flush, but it was at least hidden from him. “What, do you own the place?”

Nikolai laughed quietly, running a hand through her hair a couple of times. He was silent for long enough that she almost drifted off under his hands, before his voice had her snapping back to present and remembering that they were in fact sitting in the employee break room of a bar.

“I do, actually.”

She blinked at his words, before pushing herself away from him hard enough that she would have tumbled backwards off the couch if it wasn’t for the way he caught her around the waist, pulling her close to him again. “What?!”

Nikolai laughed at her expression, but he quieted quickly. “I do, in fact, own the Volkvolny.”

_ “What? _ Seriously?! You’re the  _ own-” _ she was cut off as Nikolai pressed a finger to her lips with a wiry smile.

“Sunshine, just so you know, most people  _ don’t _ know. To most of the employees here I’m just another bartender working here on the weekends to earn a bit of extra cash.”

She shoved his hand away, her head kinda feeling numb with shock. She didn’t even know why it was such a surprise anyway, it wasn’t like he just revealed he was the president of America or something. He was just the owner of a bar… but the bar that her and Mal and his friends had been going to for at least a couple of years now. A pretty successful bar, at that.

“Why?”

“Why what?” A smile played on his lips, his arms still circled around her waist as if she was going to fling herself off the couch at any moment.

“Why don’t your employees know?”

He shrugged. “Call it a source of amusement. I do get terribly bored without some sort of secret held up my sleeve.”

Alina’s eyes narrowed as she leaned forward, a hand coming down on his thigh to steady herself as her heart leapt up into her throat at the contact. Not exactly what she had meant to do, but now that her hand was there she didn’t really want to pull it away. “So what other secrets are you hiding from me, Nikolai?”

In return, he simply grinned and sat up a little so the two of them were just that much closer. “I do believe you’ll have to find out for yourself, sunshine. I promise it’s nothing too dark or disturbing.”

“And how do I… get it out of you?” She was hesitant all of a sudden, out of her element as her eyes roamed his face. They were close now, faces just a few inches apart, his breath tickling her hair as he patiently watched her in return, apparently waiting for her to do something.

At least that’s what it felt like.

After what seemed like an eternity and a half, he let out a quiet chuckle and raised a hand to her face, cupping her cheek. “Alina…”

“Yes?” She squeaked out, her eyes dancing from meeting his gaze to his lips and back again. It was infuriating, she couldn’t decide what to look at as she swallowed thickly.

“Do you want to come to my place with me?”

And her mind blanked out a little. That sentence had way,  _ way _ too many strings attached, as odd as that thought was to Alina. It was just… did that mean… to sleep with him? To hang out? To get her alone and force himself onto her? But he was speaking again, softer now, closer as he bumped his forehead against hers.

“You don’t have to. I was just thinking that we could get to know each other. Put on a movie, play games or something.”

With that she was nodding, without thinking. And he grinned at her, a sweet expression when he looked so damn happy with just being able to spend time with her. A cold shard lodged in her throat as she tried to think of the last time Mal had looked at her like that, realizing how long it had been.

But now Nikolai was getting up, and she had to shuffle away just a little bit to give him the space to move before he offered her a hand and hauled her up to her feet.

Quiet words were shared with him and Tamar as they came out to find her by the door. She nodded to Nikolai before giving a reassuring smile to Alina as she was pulled along behind him. He stopped in front of another shadowed door and pulled out a badge that he held to the scanner below the door handle before stepping in for just a few moments, coming out with a long, bright teal waistcoat looking jacket that had a laugh bubbling from her lips.

“Nikolai.”

“Mmmhm?”

“What… the  _ hell _ is that?”

He grinned. “A frock coat, something that I’m very fond of, thank you very much. I think it looks rather dashing.”

“You look like you were transported back to the Victorian era and dipped in paint,” she laughed.

“How very astute of you to know what era the style is from.” He grinned at her and gave a wildly, hilariously fancy bow.

Alina shrugged, her heart fluttering gently in her chest. “I’ve studied a lot of different art styles. It’s only a matter of time before you memorize what kind of clothing styles came from when and where.”

Nikolai grinned, the gaudy golden buttons of his coat glittering as he spun around and offered her an arm. As she took it he pulled her towards the back exit of the bar, giving her a mischievous look as they stepped out into the cold.

“Fuck, it’s cold,” she muttered, glaring at him as he continued on in his ridiculous outerwear, guiding her to a car already idling in the parking lot.

“Yes, yes, I know. But really Alina, you should have brought a coat with you, it’s foolish to go without in this weather.” But still, he didn’t do much to help her outside of gesturing to the passenger seat. “Now get in, this thing has heated seats. That should help you warm up pretty quick.”

He ducked into the back for just a moment as she slid into the offered seat, before he shut the door and moved up to the driver’s seat, tossing a thick, fleece-lined hoodie into her lap. Her own seat wasn’t very warm as of yet, but she didn’t waste a second before pulling the hoodie on and zipping it all the way up, leaving her somewhat swimming in the warm material.

“Better?” He smiled at her, laughing as she pulled the strings to make the hood close in around her face.

“Yeah,” she answered after a moment, though she was still shivering a little bit. “Better.”

And as they buckled up and Nikolai pulled out of the parking lot, leaving her car behind, she sank a bit farther into the seat as it properly started warming her. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as she relaxed. The smell of Nikolai permeated the car, only made stronger by the hoodie she was currently swaddled in. It was… nice. Warm, almost like the smell of rain after a long drought, sea salt, with the light scent of his cologne mixing in with it to make it a little sweeter.

She nearly fell asleep like that, warm in the quiet. Nikolai was a remarkably smooth driver, which she could appreciate. But then quite suddenly music started up, something rather upbeat… kind of like a drinking song, if she had any experience with stuff like that.

With a few blinks to clear the tiredness from her eyes, she sat up a bit straighter. “What is this?”

Nikolai gave her a bit of a sheepish grin. “Flogging Molly.”

“Flogging whonow?”

“Flogging Molly, that’s the artist. They’re a uh… I believe their genre is considered Celtic punk rock or something?” He shrugged. “It’s music I grew up with, so I like it, but if you want to change it…”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’ve just… never heard anything like it.”

“Heh, yeah. Pirate punk music.”

“I thought they were Celtic punk rock,” she teased, a grin threatening to show. The only lyrics of the song that she could actually keep up with were ‘seven drunken pirates, we’re the seven deadly sins’ which… interesting, but somewhat unexpected. Not something that she thought that Nikolai would listen to, but then again she didn’t really have a guess as to what he would listen to.

“Yes, that’s their  _ official _ genre, but pirate punk music is my favorite description to use.” He grinned, the car pulling to a stop at a red light.

And so she laughed, and they listened to the songs as they came on until they pulled into the parking lot of a tall apartment building.

Of course, he had the penthouse at the top of the building.

When they stepped out of the elevator, Alina was initially expecting to be wowed - but there wasn’t too much out of the ordinary that she saw. A small living room with comfortable couches and a beanbag chair to sink into in front of a large TV, with a nice kitchen area to the side with an island that looked to be covered in papers, a hallway leading off from the living room.

Nikolai hung up his coat by the door, but Alina decided to keep the hoodie that he had given her on as she automatically gravitated into the living room and dropped onto one of the couches. He joined her shortly after, sitting beside her with a small smile.

"Anything you want to put on? I got Netflix, Hulu…"

She shrugged and leaned back a bit, kicking her sneakers off onto the floor before she curled up. "I dunno. I don't really watch much, honestly."

"Hmmmm…" Nikolai hummed before turning the TV on. "We could always watch YouTube, I have a few channels on there that I think you might enjoy."

She shrugged again, watching him. "I'm fine with whatever. Top tens are always fun, if anything."

He nodded, and his smile was soft enough to make her feel like melting. Why would he pull that look out  _ now? _ It was just unfair, really. He was handsome and kind and watchful and clever, able to make the room shine with amusement almost on a whim. Able to make her relax enough that as the video started and the light turned off with a word from Nikolai, she found her eyes sliding shut…

~~~

He glanced over when he heard the slight whistle from her, a tiny snore that had a smile coming to him, unbidden. She was adorable, all curled up in one of his favorite casual jackets with her white hair falling around her face. He checked the time on the video he had put on - only five minutes in and she was already out. He had fifteen minutes left, and then he would wake her and get her back home.

But then her phone buzzed, an insistent heartbeat rhythm that had her stirring again, just enough to apparently flick her ringer off before she disappeared back into the limbo of sleep realms again. Now her phone screen was exposed, and as Nikolai watched it lit up with the name of Malyen.

And the name came up several times before a text popped up instead, and with a sigh and a moment of hesitation, his curiosity won out and he leaned over, turning her phone on to the notification screen and pulling down the text notification

> **Malyen** : Alina, where the hell are you? It's late, call me back please

Nikolai smiled a little. It was nice to know that Alina had some other friends watching out for her, but… should he respond? Let him know that she was okay, just resting for a little while? He drummed his fingers on his thigh, thinking.

But eventually he shook his head and leaned back, her phone in hand as he took a glance at the charging port. He found a cord to charge it with, seeing as it was at five percent battery, and plugged it in just a moment before it started going off in his hand. It was suddenly loud enough to make him jump slightly, and enough to rouse Alina as she groaned and patted the couch cushion next to her, searching for her phone.

He strode back over to the couch just as she was blinking her eyes open blearily. She startled slightly as she saw him standing over her, but he handed her phone off for her to turn off whatever alarm it was.

She took her phone and sat up, rubbing her eyes with a quiet groan that had Nikolai smiling, glancing up at him with dopey tired eyes. "How long was I out?"

"I dunno, probably ten minutes or so. Maybe even less than that."

She hummed and looked around. "Where's my… purse…"

He hummed. "Oh. It's probably still at the Volkvolny. You must've forgotten it."

She stiffened up at that, staring up at him as she let out a low groan. "But… wait, wait, I need that!" Her voice was suddenly loud as she bounced up onto her feet, nearly faceplanting into his chest as vertigo hit her with her quick upright movement. Nikolai put his hands on her shoulders, trying to calm her.

"Alina, just calm down. What does your purse look like? Tamar or Tolya probably picked it up after we left, they're a sharp pair. I can call one of them and check to make sure it's there."

Her hands pulled together, fingers plucking at the sleeves of his hoodie, picking off all the little balls of loose material that had accrued on it. Her body was still too tense, as if she was moments away from another panic attack, the thought making his heart give a sad drop.

"It's just black, faux leather. Has copper buckles that are kinda tarnished by now." And then her thumb brushed over a deep scar on her palm, over and over until her hand switched to picking at her scalp instead.

He nodded, sitting on the floor beside where she sat on the couch as he called Tamar's number. It only rang a couple of times before she answered.

"What's up?"

"Why hello Tamar," he said teasingly. "Just a question for you, but did you possibly snatch up any loose purses after the scene we had tonight?"

She hummed, a shuffle of fabric audible from her side. "Yeah, there's a couple. Do you need pictures?"

"If you would please." He glanced up at Alina, eyes widening as he saw blood on her fingertips. Not enough to be dangerous, but it was alarming as he reached up and intertwined his fingers with hers, stalling her fingers in their picking. He drew his phone away from his face to talk to her quietly. "Alina, it's alright. Tamar has a couple of loose purses already that she's taking pictures of, I'll just go down and pick up yours. You won't have to worry your pretty little head about a thing."

She gave him a tiny little smile that was entirely too empty and exhausted. 

And then his phone chimed as he received a message, and he checked the photo Tamar had sent. He held the phone up to Alina for her to check and she let out a shuddering sigh.

"It's the one on the left," she murmured.

Nikolai smiled at her. "See? I told you we'd get it." And then he put the phone to his ear. "You get that, Tamar?"

"Mhm. I'll put it in the locker room for you."

"Thank you dearest~ I'll be there in just a few."

The call dropped and Nikolai climbed to his feet, shooting her a small smile. "The remote is on the coffee table if you want to watch anything while I'm gone. Or you could come with me, but I think you're exhausted enough."

She stared at him, a quiet hum leaving her as she shook her head. "I'll be fine. Thank you, Nikolai."

He smiled and nodded, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear with barely a thought in the motion. "Alright. I'll be back soon, sunshine."

She sighed and closed her eyes once more, sitting back on the couch, and he made for the door.

~~~

Alina let out another sigh as she heard Nikolai shut the door behind him, almost certainly making for the elevator that would take him down to the ground floor.

She checked her phone, snuggling against the arm of the couch, seeing the five missed calls from Mal she had received. And with a quiet moment of consideration, she tapped his number to call him back.

The phone rang an anxiety-inducing number of four times before he picked up. "Alina? Where are you?"

She bit her lip. "I'm doing fine, Mal, thanks for asking."

He gave a quiet laugh, though it was clearly strained. "Sorry, I just wasn't expecting you to disappear for so long. Want me to wait up for you?"

"I…" she bit harder onto her lip. He would wait up for her anyways, unless she told him that she wasn't going home. But… she was, right? She was going home, she couldn't just spend the night with Nikolai. She'd never been comfortable enough to sleep in a stranger's house on the first night.

And yet she already had. And Nikolai wasn't just a stranger, despite all the odd things she'd found out about him tonight. Maybe it was the panic attack, or the way he kept smiling at her, or the fact that she could faintly hear Mikhael snoring in the background of the call, but… she didn't really want to go home. Not tonight, not after everything.

"I'm gonna be staying out tonight, Mal," she mumbled.

"Oh. Okay. Where are you staying?"

There was something about his voice that made her bristle slightly. It was just a hair too accusatory, an angry grumble to his voice that set her on edge.

"Just with a friend," she responded.

He gave a laugh that seemed a bit too forced. "Since when did you make friends, Alina?"

"I dunno, maybe since I've started sitting alone at the bar," she snapped. Panic attacks always cut her temper short, making her fuse too easy to set off. Not that Mal would know what had happened, but she wasn't entirely sure how to tell him.

A moment of silence echoed through the call before he spoke again. "Alina, are you with that-"

And then her phone died. She blinked as it went silent, glancing down at her phone to find the screen completely black. Alina closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she forced her limbs to stay still.

It was just an argument. The two of them would figure it out as soon as Alina got home, whenever that would be. It would be fine. She'd be okay, Mal wasn't just going to up and leave her.

Still, Alina sat forward to put her phone on the coffee table in front of the couch, instead taking up the remote for the TV. As she searched up something to watch on YouTube she found that Nikolai's watch recommendations were… almost all tech related. Not exactly what she would expect from a guy running a bar from behind the scenes, but honestly he had seemed to make it a point to be as unexpected as possible. Still, she found a compilation of artist time lapses to put on and sat back to enjoy.

It was about twenty minutes before Nikolai returned, the sound of the door opening surprising her for a moment. But when he came into view with her purse hanging from his hand she forced a small, grateful smile.

"Feeling better, sunshine?"

She nodded. "Yeah…" And then a quiet laugh escaped her, tears unexpectedly prickling at her eyes. "I'm sorry, I made you go all that way just to grab my purse for a stupid reason."

"Hey, it's alright. Medication is no joke, whatever you take it for." He made it pretty clear that he wasn't going to ask what it was in fact for, a fact that Alina was rather thankful for. She always got odd glances and leering stares when she said that she was taking birth control… not for the fact that she was sexually active, but more because her body was bullshit and her period went haywire without it.

So she took the pack out of her purse, popped the pill for that day out, and then swallowed the tiny thing down with barely a pause. "... Thank you, Nikolai."

He nudged her with an elbow, grinning as if he had won the lottery. "But of course, darling."

She glanced at her phone and sighed. "Do you have a charger I could use?"

"Oh! Yeah, I was actually just about to plug it in for you before your alarm went off."

Again she smiled at him, handing off her phone as he held out a hand for it and got up to plug it in. Mal would be furious when she got around to texting him next, if she did so before she returned home. She would have to, probably, if she didn't want to suffer through a pseudo-argument full of huffs and sighs and blank glares.

"What's that look for? I know that it's been a bit of a mess, but tonight  _ was _ supposed to be fun."

Alina took a breath and shrugged. "I don't think Mal is happy that I'm here."

“Well that’s a disappointment,” he answered blankly, making it fairly obvious that he didn’t entirely care before giving her a grin. “Though honestly, I did get the impression that the guy doesn’t really like me, which I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

She snorted but shrugged again and settled into the couch, laying down on her side with her head propped up on the arm. “I don’t know. He’s usually everyone’s friend, so I don’t know why he would suddenly have such a problem with me hanging out with someone new.”

“Maybe he’s just jealous,” Nikolai stated, wandering over to the fridge. “Want anything to eat, or are you just looking to fall asleep again?”

Despite the smile in his voice, she frowned. “That… no, Mal doesn’t… like me. Not like that.”

“He doesn’t have to.” He grabbed something from the fridge before sitting beside her, offering her a bottle of water that she took. “Friends can get jealous over friends spending time with new people, especially when you’ve been friends for so long.”

“I suppose…” But quietly, the thought of Mal being jealous filled her with both dread and an odd thrill. If by some chance he was jealous, that could mean that maybe her affection for him wasn’t so one-sided. But on the other hand, if he was simply jealous of her making a new friend… she didn’t want to have to choose between Mal and Nikolai, or any other friend that she might come across.

Nikolai just hummed with a small smile. “You know, it’s rather amusing. I don’t think that I’ve ever felt quite as threatened by someone else being jealous.”

Alina snorted. “Oh really? And why would that be?”

“I mean, feel free to punch me if I’m wrong as long as you don’t go for the face, but I’m betting that you have a serious crush on this Mal,” he said, an insufferable smirk coming to his face. “Which I’m  _ almost _ offended about since tonight was meant to be a date night and all, but…”

“But?” She bit her lip, feeling her face start warming up rather quickly.

He leaned a bit closer, his hazel eyes roaming over her face with an intentional slowness as he traced the shape of her eyebrows, her nose, down to her lips and back up. “But I have a feeling that you like me, too. At least a little bit.”

Alina let out a harsh breath, raising her hand to smack the center of his chest, maybe a little harder than she meant to. He let out a small wheeze and leaned back, rubbing his chest as he started laughing.

“Is that a no, Alina? I’m not sure how much my ego could take.”

She sighed with a quiet laugh. “You wish, Nikolai.”

“Ouch.”

“Is your ego suitably deflated yet?”

“Not in the least.”

A grin found her face, but soon enough sleep found her once more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nikolai finally gets that date he's been waiting for... and Alina can't believe that he's so insufferably perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOO there's another chapter. After posting last time I realized that I had forgotten to mark that this was a multi-chapter fic so... whoops. But here it is!

As expected, Mal wasn’t entirely… happy. Alina had decided to go home once Nikolai had made them breakfast, and he was happy enough to supply a ride to her car, still sitting in the parking lot of the Volksvolny.

So that’s where she was stuck for right now, watching Nikolai’s nice, warm, new car drive away again as she sat shivering in her own broken down hunk of junk with a barely serviceable heating system.

At least he had let her keep his hoodie for now.

“I told you that I was safe,” she muttered into the phone, trying to check and see if the air circulating the car was warm enough to excuse turning on the AC yet.

“But you didn’t even say where you were!”

Alina snorted. “Is it not enough to say that I’m safe? It’s not like I just disappeared without saying anything, you knew that I was going out.”

“But not for  _ hours _ like that, Alina. I at least tell you who I’m with when I go out without you.”

_ Barely, _ she thought to herself. But she didn’t voice that thought, instead she finally turned her car’s AC on properly and listened to the violent whooshing of air rushing through dusty vents as she went silent for a few moments.

“Either way, I’m on my way home now, Mal. I have stuff to work on.”

“Yeah. Alright.” And then without so much as a ‘see you soon,’ he hung up.

Alina snorted quietly to herself. It could have gone worse, but she really wasn’t looking forward to returning home in all honesty.

Regardless, she put her hands on the freezing steering wheel and drove herself back home, where she glanced around only to find out that Mal was in his room. Probably sulking, if she was being honest with herself. Whenever they had an argument he usually took time away from her until he was feeling less moody, which she was familiar with by now. Didn’t mean that she wasn’t still rather bothered as to why he was acting like this. Was he actually jealous, like Nikolai had suggested? Or was he just touchy because… well, she didn’t know why he would be. Maybe he would explain himself to her later.

She retreated into her art room, sitting on the ground among bottles of acrylic paint and scattered papers that she hadn’t bothered to clean up last weekend. She grabbed a pencil and gathered a small sheaf of paper up, an oversized and battered clipboard to put her stuff on, and she started sketching.

Small things like she usually did for warmups, among little practice circles and straight lines, hatchcross shadows of scenes she remembered from the night before. A flash of the bar as she watched Nikolai serve drinks several feet away.

A frozen moment of Nikolai swinging his ridiculous teal frock coat around his shoulders, though she was sure she couldn’t get the movement of the cloth in that moment right. Not quite. Maybe she would go back and color in that coat with it’s golden buttons and wide sleeves.

And then a moment of Nikolai grinning at her, a hand on the steering wheel as a strange song of pirate punk music came on. It was a moment that seemed to be stubbornly stuck in her head, pushing her to keep working on this particular sketch until it held a certain liveliness to it that, to Alina, did a poor job of reflecting his laugh in that second before she asked what the song was.

But then it didn’t feel complete. So she went in and detailed out the lines of his hair, the outline of the shadows flashing over his hand where it held the steering wheel. And it still didn’t feel complete. It needed something else, something other than little details to really come to life.

So she grabbed a marker, a green maybe too bright for the hazel of his eyes, and dashed it across the lines of his eyes. Not filling it in completely, but she didn’t need to. Stylistic, she thought. But a finishing touch was still needed, so she hunted around her art room until she found her tiniest detail brush and a bit of gold paint.

Gold flecks among the green seemed to complete it just fine. She was just sitting back to look over her sketches when her phone dinged with a message.

For a moment she considered ignoring it, sure that it was going to be Mal, but as she sat there she realized that if she didn’t answer him he would probably come walking into the sanctuary that was her art room. So she sighed and pulled it from her pocket, surprised to see that it wasn’t in fact Mal.

> **Nikolai** : So whatcha doing?

She smiled a little, despite herself.

> _ Alina _ : Just getting warmup sketches done.

> **Nikolai** : Do I get to see? 030

> _ Alina _ : Why should I let you? >:)

> **Nikolai** : Because, I’ve heard a lot of you telling me about your artistic talent

> **Nikolai** : Buuut I haven’t seen this so-called talent yet, I find myself skeptical 030

A laugh bubbled from her lips - a quiet, incredulous thing that was swallowed by the room around her.

> _ Alina _ : Are you really going to question my artistic talent?

> **Nikolai** : Not until I see proof, lovely~

> _ Alina _ : Insufferable

> **Nikolai** : Absolutely

> **Nikolai** : Now, what about these warmup sketches? Do I at least get to see those? D:

> _ Alina _ : Nuh uh, you insulted my art without even seeing anything. You don’t get to see.

> **Nikolai** : Noooo

> **Nikolai** : I promise to not insult it any more, I wanna seeeee

She snickered to herself, watching the little bubble that showed that he was typing pop up and go down again a few times as she watched it. She waited for maybe three minutes for one more response before giving in.

> **Nikolai** : … I’m sooorrrry, Alina… I’ll be nice

> _ Alina _ : Fine, since you asked so nicely. Just uh, don’t be too hard one me, I don’t show my work to many people outside of those who commission me

> **Nikolai** : Oh, don’t worry. I’ll be gentle ;)

With that, she snorted and shook her head as she took a picture of each of her sketches. For a few moments she stared at the last one she had done, picking apart all of the little flaws in it… but ultimately she took a deep breath and took a picture of it as well, sending them all to Nikolai to look at.

And she held her breath, waiting anxiously for his response. Was it weird that all three of them were of Nikolai? Would he think that she was weird, or that she just had a weird fixation on him? It certainly wouldn’t help his ego, now that she thought of it, a soft groan leaving her as she buried her face in her hands.

> **Nikolai** : Hmm… I like the subject material. Who is this dashing stranger ? ;)

> _ Alina _ : Nikolai.

> **Nikolai** : I’m not sure if that’s you saying my name in exasperation or you answering the question

> _ Alina _ : :)

> **Nikolai** : Never before have I felt so threatened by a smiley face

> _ Alina _ : Good

> **Nikolai** : But honestly, this work is phenomenal

> **Nikolai** : Sooo what are your commission rates? ;)

> _ Alina _ : Nope

> **Nikolai** : Why NOPE? D: won’t you let a friend support their friends?

> _ Alina _ : Because knowing you, you’d want something entirely too complex

> **Nikolai** : I’m hurt by your lack of faith in me, Alina. Truly.

> _ Alina _ : Uh huh. Sure. How much will it take for me to get you to leave me alone?

> **Nikolai** : Aww, you don’t mean that :(

> _ Alina _ : Mmmm. We’ll see.

And as Nikolai filled her screen with all sorts of sad emojis, she rolled her eyes and sat back, twisting her a pencil in her hand and staring at her warmup sketches. She really did maybe go a bit too far for simple warmups, but she didn’t mind the challenge they had given. Cloth in motion was something that she really needed to get practice with, and lighting was always something that seemed to escape her at the best of times.

Her phone dinged again as it closed, and she turned it on again to read Nikolai’s message.

> **Nikolai** : Think I can take you out tomorrow though? On a proper date?

> _ Alina _ : I work tomorrow, ya weirdo

> **Nikolai** : But what are you doing AFTER work? Anything special?

> _ Alina _ : Working on art, Nikolai. And avoiding humans.

> **Nikolai** : :’( but I need something to do once I get done with my own work tomorrow

> _ Alina _ : You can’t tell me that you don’t have a lineup of girls just waiting for a chance with you

> **Nikolai** : That may or may not be true

> **Nikolai** : Buuut there’s only one Ms. Alina Starkov ;)

Finding herself laughing quietly, Alina shook her head and ran a hand over her face. She wasn’t expecting to be so smiley about this man, this  _ insufferable _ flirt that for whatever reason, seemed to be completely fixated on her. She wondered how long it would last. Nikolai really didn’t seem to be the type to stick around for long. But maybe she could have her own fun with it, while it did.

> _ Alina _ : You'll have to wait until next weekend, sir.

> **Nikolai** : *sigh* you wound me. But alright, I'll force myself to be patient

> _ Alina _ : Aw, you're learning

> **Nikolai** : Rude

~~~

The week seemed to both fly by and slow to a crawl at the same time, which was rather infuriating. Alina spent her days watching her phone, finding herself eager for the random texts she would get. And when she was working, she stood behind the counter of a grocery store checkout lane and wondered about where Nikolai would be taking her for their date.

Which sometimes branched into thoughts wondering how many girls he had already taken there. That path she always cut off rather quickly, not wanting to examine all the connotations behind those thoughts. Nikolai was a skirt-chaser with an exceptional amount of suave, gentlemanly charm. He'd lose interest in her soon enough, there was no use getting overly attached.

Even so, when the weekend came around again she found herself somewhat dressing up again, this time with a soft, flowy pink tank top and skinny jeans, a black leather jacket topping off the look as she braided her hair to one side. And when she stepped down the stairs to find Mal stretched out on the couch with his phone in hand, she was surprised how easily she blushed under his scrutiny.

"You're coming with us like that? Something special happening tonight, Alina?" Map smiled lazily, she could feel his gaze like a brand through her outfit, the way it traced the length of her arms and up her center.

"I'm not going to be able to be your driver tonight, Mal," she mumbled quietly, picking at the end of her braid nervously.

"Why's that?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I'm… going on a… date?"

And that seemed to do something to him. Mal's eyes lit up with surprise as he smiled with a look that Alina hadn’t seen on him before. Was it a weird sort of pride? She couldn't tell, but he was smiling and nodding enthusiastically.

"Alina, that's great! Who's the guy?"

She shuffled her feet a little. "Uh… Nikolai...?"

"Oh, really? He doesn't really seem like your type, I wouldn't expect it." Mal frowned thoughtfully.

Alina snorted, feeling rather confused with his actually…  _ good _ reaction. Especially after the way he reacted to her staying at Nikolai's place last week, but maybe he really was just worried with the way she disappeared on her own. "How would you know what my type is? Hell, not even  _ I _ know what my type is."  _ Brown hair, blue eyes, dorkish and sociable, friendly with everyone- _

"I dunno, I'd expect someone a bit… quieter, I guess."

Alina paused. "I mean, fair enough."

Mal grinned again, that unreadable look fixed on her. "Do you want me to stick around, see you off for it? Is he picking you up?"

"Oh  _ god _ no, please. I think I'd melt and burn if you started to go all 'protective best friend' on him," she groaned and shook her head. "Don't worry about me though. I'll be fine, and you and the guys can call an uber to get you around tonight."

Mal sighed and stood up, stepping over to give her a tight hug. "Alright, alright. Have fun on your date though, alright? Tell me about it later."

"Will do," she said, a smile tugging loosely at her lips.

Mal ruffled her hair, or as much as he could with it in a braid, and stepped out of the room to call Mikhael. Just a moment after that and Alina's phone dinged with a text, and she instinctively knew exactly who it was from.

> **Nikolai** : Soooo, where am I picking you up from, cutie?

She snorted slightly with a smile at his forwardness, shaking her head as she answered.

> _ Alina _ : Do you want to meet at the Volkvolny?

> **Nikolai** : Ah, no need for you to waste the gas. Just send me an address and I'll be there as quick as I can ;)

With a small smile, Alina leaned her hip against the back of the couch, glancing at the door Mal disappeared behind before sending their address to Nikolai.

> **Nikolai** : Sweet, I'll be there in about fifteen minutes, lovely~

And so Alina was left alone for several minutes. Her and Mal sat on the couch together in a comfortable silence that felt blissfully familiar. It was simple really, to sit on opposite sides of the couch with their ankles crossed over each other's, scrolling through their phones without having to think about crushes or dates or impossibly pretty girls having their way with Mal or an annoyingly handsome bartender.

At least, it was until Mal was the first to leave, flashing her a smile and a quick goodbye before disappearing through the front door.

With his departure, Alina was suddenly left alone with her thoughts.

Which turned into her touching up her makeup, putting at least some effort into covering up the dark circles under her eyes that seemed to constantly plague her. And then slapping on some dark red lipstick that she knew would stay on throughout a meal, if that's what Nikolai planned on. And then picking at the tank top she had chosen for the night, debating on whether it was going to be too cold for it. And then staring at her jacket, trying to decide if it was too punk looking for her style.

She was fairly certain that she had picked apart every part of herself before her phone lit up with a call, buzzing in her pocket. Alina scrambled to pull it out, putting it to her ear with a near breathless tone that she internally cursed herself for.

"Hello?"

"Hey, sunshine. Think you can open the door?"

She smiled to herself at the sound of his voice. "Ring the doorbell, sir."

"But why though?"

"So I know that you're at the right place."

The doorbell rang and she heard him give a quiet laugh on the other side of the call. "I daresay that I'm at the right place, my dear."

"Yeah, yeah." Alina bit her lip lightly before stepping down the stairs, taking them in a silent rush that she had mastered years ago. All too soon she was in front of the door, hesitating.

"Alina, my lovely darling, it is rather nippy outside if you wouldn't mind letting me in for a moment."

She laughed quietly and shook her head, finally opening the door. And Nikolai smiled at her, very possibly dressed the most casual she had ever seen him as of yet, in a simple blue button-down shirt and dark blue jeans. He let his phone drop from his ear, ending the call as he stepped forward, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it with a small grin.

"Well hello, sunshine. You're looking…  _ radiant." _

Something about the way he said it made Alina blush, pulling her hand away as she stepped back to let him in. Suddenly she was cursing the slight mess that her and Mal shared in their house, though with the way Nikolai turned towards her again the moment he was inside told her that he was paying no attention to the inside of her home. There was a light in his eyes that shone with an odd sort of admiration, though something told Alina that part of it at least was… less than innocent.

"Well jeez, if this is how you look just like this, I'd love to see you in a dress," he laughed. Raising a hand to her cheek, she almost automatically let him cradle her face in his palm. And his face split into a smile that was so openly and honestly happy, Alina's heart clenched in protest to see that expression turned towards her and her alone.

"Maybe another night," she said with a nervous blush. "What do you have planned for tonight?"

"First, food." He grinned and then pressed a finger of his free hand to her lips as she opened her mouth to speak. "And  _ then _ it's a surprise. I think you'll like it. It's a little bit outside of the city though, if that's alright with you."

Alina narrowed her eyes at him, but slowly nodded. And then Nikolai let his hands drop from her, leaving her unexpectedly cold and missing the simple contact. "Is it not stargazing? How long will it take to get there? It might be the weekend but I can't go and stay up til four in the morning on a long drive."

"You can sleep in the car if you're really that worried about it, Alina," he teased. "But it shouldn't take quite that long… we'll probably be back by midnight if everything goes to plan. And no, it’s not stargazing."

"How much of a plan do you have for tonight?" She raised an eyebrow at him, crossing her arms over her chest.

He chuckled softly. "You'll just have to see, sunshine. Hopefully you'll allow me to indulge my hopeless romantic side, because I'd  _ definitely _ like to indulge you."

Alina rolled her eyes with a dramatic sort of shrug. "Ugh, fine. Lead the way out into the cold."

"At least you brought a jacket this time," he said playfully.

"Oh," she said suddenly. "Do you want your hoodie back?" And she cringed. Of course he'd want it back, they weren't dating or anything.

But he simply hummed and gave a shrug. "It's fine, keep it. I have others."

"Oh. Okay." She opened the door and waved him out of the door, trying her best to hide the way her cheeks bloomed with warmth. That easy, he was just going to let her  _ keep _ his hoodie?

She followed him out and locked the door behind them before turning to head down the short patch of concrete to the driveway. Before finding herself nearly frozen to the spot, eyes roving over to the vibrant red, slick-looking car parked by the curb. It looked like the kind of car that Alina would have to sell her soul and an arm and a leg and possibly a younger sibling to even have a chance at owning. It looked… horribly, awfully out of place beside her dinky old Toyota Camry with its barely useable heater and missing radio.

"What… is  _ that?" _

Nikolai paused, hands in his pockets as he turned back to her. "Uh… my car. My… nicer one, at least. Maserati Granturismo."

Honestly, Alina nearly burst into tears. "Oh my god, you're so fucking rich. You're a rich kid."

"Well… I suppose so." He had the humility to at least slightly blush, giving a slight shrug. "The Volkvolny is busy enough that I can pay for them with the money from that."

"You make it sound like you have more sources of income," she shot back, feeling kind of… awkwardly lightheaded. Over what, she wasn't sure. Maybe it was the realization that Nikolai could probably buy the entirety of her belongings without having to worry about his finances being seriously hurt. Or the realization that for some godforsaken reason, he was the one taking the two of them out on a date, making her seem like a modern Disney princess being scooped up by an annoyingly handsome prince that just so happened to be overly willing to spoil her.

"I've made some investments, yes…" he ran a hand through his awfully perfect hair and shrugged. "It's not that much, though, just…"

"Oh god, don't even start spouting numbers at me, I  _ will _ in fact have a heart attack."

He laughed, holding a hand out to her. "Well, you haven't quite had a heart attack being into my apartment, so I think you'll be fine in my car."

She groaned in response, but took his hand and let him lead her to the car, where he opened the door for her and let her climb in before shutting the door and circling around to the driver's side. When he sat down he flashed her a grin, turning the car on and listening as it gave a quiet growl as it came to life. The vents hissed with warm air and she held her hands out in front of them with a pleased sigh.

"No heart attack symptoms yet, right?" 

Alina sighed with a smile. “Unfortunately, no. And here I was thinking that I could get out of work for a couple of weeks.”

“I mean, if you really want to skip out of work for a couple of weeks, I  _ could _ help with that, though maybe not with a heart attack,” he said with that smirk of his.

“Are you suggesting that you’d use your considerable wealth to pay me out of work?” She raised an eyebrow at him and he laughed, pulling his phone out of his pocket and fiddling with it for a few moments before music started playing.

_ I wanna kiss you on an island… _

“Promising start,” Alina said flatly, giving a rather unimpressed look… though her smile still broke through.

Nikolai laughed. “It’s a good song, by a good band. New Politics is great.”

“Sure, sure.”

“Oh, come on.” He focused his eyes on the road as they started up, the car they were in surprisingly quiet for what she thought it would be. “What kind of music  _ do _ you like?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. I don’t listen to music all that often, honestly. I don’t have a radio in my car, so I generally just listen to whatever Mal plays on his phone.”

Nikolai groaned, tilting his head back just a little as they pulled out of the neighborhood she lived in. “Oh Alina, what am I going to do with you? I’m going to have to hunt through my wild and uh, very extensive thank you very much, library of music to find something that you like. Got any general genres that you like?”

“Uhh. Alternative.”

“Oh boy. Going straight for the  _ widest available genre possible _ huh?” His voice was filled with playful annoyance as they stopped at a light. “Now, you have anywhere in particular that you like to eat?”

"What, you didn't have this part of the night planned already?"

"Alina, sunshine, light of my life- I wanted to know where  _ you _ would prefer to go. I haven't exactly gotten a lot of information on what kind of food you like. Soooo… pick a place. Anywhere you'd like." He looked at her with a slight grin, hazel eyes dancing with amusement as always.

So she hummed, and shrugged. "There's a ramen bar across the city that I've been wanting to try out for a while, I suppose…"

"Great! What's it called?"

"Uh… Jinya, I think."

"Oh, I know that place. My friend Genya brought me there a while back, I can give a couple of recommendations if you so wish." His grin grew, and they set off across the city. Nikolai continued playing his music, asking Alina her opinions on most of the songs that came on.

Dinner was good, though Alina was embarrassed at first with her less-than-perfect ability to use chopsticks when Nikolai made it look so easy. But conversation flowed, they laughed and enjoyed good food together, and Alina eventually forgot to be nervous around him. When the bill came, he paid for their food and Alina insisted on covering their waiter's tip. 

Then they were heading back to his car, which seemed to warm up in an instant compared to her own. As she settled back into the warming seat, Nikolai reached into the back and pulled out a heavy jacket, dumping it into her lap.

"What… what's this for?"

"For the main event of our date, my dear. You'll want it, I promise."

"Why didn't you just tell me to grab your hoodie?" She groaned, but drew the jacket over the top of her until she was sandwiched between a seat that was warming her bottom and the jacket over her. It smelled like Nikolai as well, though less strongly than the hoodie that he had given her. Not that she would know.

He chucked, staring at her for several moments. "You'll want a heavier jacket anyway… and I thought you'd look cute with that. I was right, you're absolutely adorable."

Alina was tempted to reach over to smack him, but that would mean sacrificing some of the warmth gathered underneath the jacket. So instead she simply glared at him as intensely as she could until he laughed.

"Oh, come on. Is it so bad to be called cute, Alina?" He gave her a look, glimmer in his eye, and she rolled her eyes.

"It's not… bad… I'm just not used to it, or something."

"Or something?"

"Kinda feels like half the compliments I get are from creepy old guys at the grocery store that make gross comments, yknow? So… guess I'm not used to getting compliments from people I actually want to hear from." She blushed, hitching the jacket up higher until only her eyes were visible. It was nice enough to drown in his scent, and Nikolai's ego didn't need to know how nice it felt to hear him call her pretty.

She'd never been  _ pretty _ to anyone but those whose attention she didn't want. All the compliments that Nikolai seemed determined to drown her with made her feel like she was lighter than air, a tingle in her chest starting. It got her to smile even when she wasn't feeling great, like it had just the week before.

And now his smile seemed to light up the dark interior of the car as he leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. "Well, Alina, that seems like reason enough for me to continue to tell her just how delightful you are. I believe it really is a crime to leave a pretty girl thinking she's anything less than she is."

"Oh really," she said, her voice both flat and breathless in an odd combination. Even with the light peck, she could tell just how smooth and soft his lips were, and suddenly she wondered what they would feel like against her own. She wanted to feel them again, anywhere.

"Mhmmm…" he smirked as if he knew what she was thinking and Alina blushed harder. "Now, I think that we should move on for the rest of our date, huh?"

"Alright. Where are we headed?"

"It's a surprise~" he sang lightly as he started driving, pulling out onto the street. "C'mon, that was the whole point of tonight, to be a surprise. I'm not gonna ruin it now, sunshine."

She rolled her eyes but sat back comfortably as they drove along. Conversation was more intermittent, but Nikolai kept his music going as they headed out of the city.

The road turned dark, and the farther out they went the more stars they could see. Everything was calm and quiet and though the road was busier than she thought it would be, it was still almost empty for miles at a time. After a few times of Alina leaning far forward to catch a glimpse of the sky, she saw Nikolai chuckle to himself and pull onto a sightseeing parking spot at the side of the road.

"Here, we can stop for a few if you want to get a good look of the stars," he murmured, opening a sliding panel to expose the sunroof of the car. The smile he gave her was almost unbearably sweet, it made her heart shutter as it skipped a beat or two. "You can always step out, but it does get a bit nippy out here."

"This is fine," she said in return, staring up through the window. "I… it's absolutely beautiful, Nikolai…"

"You say that like you haven't seen the stars before," he teased. Before he saw the look on her face, and his smile dropped into something almost like a concerned pout. "You… have, right?"

"Not like this," she breathed.

"Oh. I… I'm sorry."

"It's fine, it's just… foster homes, you know? Don't really get an opportunity to get out of the city much, especially not at night when the adults are exhausted from taking care of seven or eight children during the day." She took a deep breath in, and it felt like her lungs should be full of stardust. There were so many, she'd only seen things like this in photographs she was convinced were full-on edits of the night sky. She never thought it was possible to see the sky so jam packed with lights.

"And what about you? After the foster homes, you have your own car, right?"

Alina laughed, finally tearing her eyes from the sliver of sky visible through the window to look at him. "I got a hunk of junk Toyota Camry. I wouldn't trust that thing to not break down on me the moment I lost cell service, not this far out."

Nikolai chuckled, reaching over to take her hand. He laced their fingers together and her heart leapt into her throat at the feeling, the way he squeezed her fingers so lightly. "Fair enough… you want to make this a more regular thing? Maybe we can work something out to do in the summer, spend a night out with some sleeping bags when its warmer. Then you'll get a real view of the stars."

"That would be…" she took a breath. "I've never actually gone camping."

"A tragedy, really." He grinned at her then, pulling her hand up to plant a kiss on the back of it. "It sounds like we got some future dates ahead of us, sunshine. I'm looking forward to it."

"Good," she said quietly. "I am too."

"That's all I can ask." Another kiss and he was putting his hands back on the steering wheel with a wink, and once more they were driving. This time he left the sunroof open to let her stare out of it, mesmerized by the sight still. Her neck was going to hate her, but honestly her livelihood as an artist made sure that it wasn't anything new. At least she was stretching her neck the opposite way she usually did.

They drove for a while and every time Alina glanced over, Nikolai seemed to be lost in thought. Which was odd for him, he was generally such a chatterbox with her around that the quiet was almost unnerving. She took those moments to study him, his features, while he was distracted with driving. There wasn't a lot of light to go off of so late at night, but she could swear that he was even more handsome in the subtle light of the moon. Which honestly was just unfair - how attractive did he need to be? Surely one person should have a limit, right? It just wasn't fair on her heart, when he was so sweet and kind and caring with her, spoiling her so often with his attention.

"Nikolai?"

Her voice seemed to bring him out of his thoughts as he glanced over at her for just a moment. "Yes, my dearest Alina?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"Well…" he hummed. "What else have you not experienced? That- well, I don't want to sound like a jerk. But maybe… I could show you some things, if you'd like."

"What, like a day trip to Hawaii?" She gave him a teasing smirk and he reflected it back at her, though his eyes remained on the road.

"That'd have to be more like a week trip. The flight times across the country and then to Hawaii are long enough that we'd only be there for a couple of hours before we went back to the airport and spent another nine hours getting back, not including layover times."

"The… fact that you have that off the top of your head feels rather concerning to me."

"Concerning, or are you simply awestruck by the fact that I know flight times so well?" He grinned, before finally slowing the car and pulling into a surprisingly smooth dirt road. With a flick the car's brights were turned on, and along they went. "Either way, yeah. Stuff like that, I… really want to show you the nicer side of life, Alina. Since it sounds like you really haven't had the chance to see."

"That's not entirely true, Nikolai. I've been happy where I am."

He hummed, but shrugged in acquiescence. "I know that money doesn't make you happy. I know that, better than most, but… I-" he let out a bark of laughter. "I want you to be able to see the stars more."

"Why me, though? I'm just a random girl you happened to pick up at the bar you own and happen to be serving at every weekend." It was a thought that had stuck in her head for a while now - who was she, compared to Nikolai? Who was she  _ to _ him?

Thankfully it seemed like she would get an answer as the car slowed until they stopped once more, and Nikolai twisted in his seat to take both of her hands.

"You're not just a random girl, sunshine. You're Alina Starkov, the lonely girl at my bar that I decided to pay attention to when I realized you only ever came in on weekends to sip at water while you waited alone for your friends to finish getting smashed. You're an amazing artist, you're charming, you're funny, you're more beautiful than you likely give yourself credit for, and I'd love to show you the things you've been missing out on in life because you were born into less than ideal circumstances. Even if it's just taking you up to the mountains and showing you the stars."

Alina felt her eyes go wide - she hadn't been expecting a speech like that in the least, and it seemed to show as the silence stretched on until Nikolai gave a small laugh and squeezed her hands.

"Sorry, was that too much? Did I break you?" He grinned and then raised her hands to his face, pressing kisses to each of her fingertips.

Finally, she collected herself enough to let out a groan, pulling away. "Dunce, you're not helping by doing  _ that-" _

"Doing what? I'm simply warming your fingers, sunshine," he said with a grin, not totally releasing her hands as she leaned away from him.

"Stop being- stop being  _ cute-!" _ She gave a laugh as he squeezed her fingers, tugging on them a few times like he was a curious child.

"So you do think I'm cute! Aha!" He grinned at her. “Admit it, you adore me.”

“You wish.” But she grinned back, and she had to admit that she was quite… smitten by him. Which made her heart go through a roller coaster of emotion. The way Nikolai was talking, it sounded like he wanted nothing more than to be able to spend all his time with her. He wanted to plan future dates with her, take her along with him on adventures that her eternally limited amount of funds would otherwise stop her from going along with.

And as Nikolai finally sat back, once more putting his hands on the steering wheel, she felt her heart flutter as he gave her a bright grin that felt far too happy to be real. To be real, and directed at her, as if she was the night sky alive with stars like it was right now.

But they finished their drive after just a few more minutes, the dirt road leading to a lake that had been completely frozen over.

“Don’t tell me that you’re planning on going ice fishing at midnight,” she said with a small smirk.

In turn, Nikolai just grinned, turned the car off, and popped the trunk. “Nope. How well can you skate?”

“Oh. Oh no.”

He laughed, and that was answer enough. “Then this is definitely going to be a fun night, sunshine.” And then he climbed out of the car, leaving her in the sudden chill that he let in when he opened his door.

Alina rolled her eyes and followed him out a few moments later, wrapping herself in the jacket that he had given her. It was definitely warmer than the hoodie that he had given her, though the sleeves were lined with silk that felt cool against her skin until her body heat soaked into it. She came around to the trunk of the car to find Nikolai swinging on a jacket that was more gaudy, but it didn’t seem to be quite as warm.

“You know we can switch jackets. I’m fine with layering up,” she stated, coming to stand beside him.

In return, he laughed a little and shrugged. “I’ll be fine. I’m pretty sure I got a better cold tolerance than you, anyway.” He reached into the trunk, holding up a couple pairs of ice skates. “Now, I did try to get your proper size-”

“How do you know my shoe size, anyway?”

“I just took a peek at your shoes when you stayed at my place,” he said with a shrug. “I swear I wasn’t trying to be creepy, it was just a little bit of a snooping about.”

Alina rolled her eyes once more. “Alright, alright. Seven and a half?”

“Bingo, and I also got a slim size for you just in case they don’t fit quite right.”

“Please don’t say that you actually bought both of these…”

“Of course not. For right now, these are just rentals for you to try out. I’ll only buy them for you if you decide that you’d like to come ice skating with me more often.” He grinned and offered one pair to her, before grabbing out another set that seemed much more battered and used. He sat on the edge of the car’s trunk and started kicking off his shoes, replacing them with the skates as quickly as he could.

She watched him for a moment before sitting beside him. “Are you sure the ice is safe to skate on?”

“Of course, I came up here just earlier today to make sure. Couldn’t risk this becoming an awful emergency situation, I don’t think that my reputation with you would recover from that.” Nikolai turned his head to look at her with a grin as he laced up his skates. “Now really, how are you on the ice?”

“I’m better at crawling, honestly.”

“Ah, but everybody is better at doing that,” he said with a laugh. “Don’t worry, you’ll have me to hang onto.”

“So that’s why you wanted to bring me up here? So I’d have to end up hanging off your arm for tonight?”

Nikolai sent a look skywards and sighed. “I’m wounded, Alina. Thinking that I have such uninspired motives…”

“Then what  _ is _ your plan for tonight?” She let out an incredulous laugh, pulling one shoe off before trying the slimmer of the two pairs to start putting on. To be honest, it had been years since she had gone ice skating, as a school field trip in junior high that had been free for students with perfect GPA’s. Alina had worked hard, gotten on the bus, and spent nearly the entire time on the ice clinging to the side of the rink and trying to not fall on her face. By the time she had figured out how to go without her crutch, the trip was over and she was forced to go.

“To have fun, of course. Maybe sneak in a couple romantic moments in there, possibly kiss under the stars if you’re up for it…” He waggled his eyebrows at her and Alina shook her head with a blushing grin.

“Well, at least you’re honest,” she said playfully. “Unless you really just want me for my  _ immeasurable _ wealth.”

Nikolai leaned over to bump her shoulder with his own. “Hey, you got your own worth, sunshine.”

“Oh?” Alina grunted as she pulled her other shoe off, nearly tumbling back into the trunk before he caught her. “Heh… I guess.”

“You get the right audience, and your art could really get out there, Alina.” He smiled at her, his voice light and reassuring. “I don’t know a person out there that wouldn’t like to at least have a glance at your stuff, even if it’s just some warmup sketches of a handsome stranger.”

She scoffed. “Right, right.”

“Hey, I’m being serious!” Nikolai threw up his hands. “You really could get your work out into the world if you wanted. I could help with it, even.”

“I mean…” She paused in her lacing up of her second skate. “I just never really thought about going for big platforms. I have the customers that I get through social media to make some revenue on the side for myself, and I have my job at the grocery store to make it through everything else. I don’t need anything big or fancy.”

“Alina, how much do you charge for a serious piece of art?” He leaned a bit closer. “Or I guess, what’s your most pricey pieces?”

“Well, I do character design commissions for about thirty… full body, detailed background for about forty?”

_ “Forty?” _ Nikolai looked at her like she had just told him that she ate a full course meal of dirt. “Alina, your art could be selling for- for  _ hundreds _ if you got the right people. And you’re charging  _ forty _ for that amount of work?”

She frowned down towards the ground. “Well, yeah. People generally don’t want to commission art for much more than sixty, and if I aim to be cheaper than others then in all likelihood it gets me more customers.”

“Solid enough business plan, but you’re aiming too low. People will pay for  _ quality, _ Alina. I promise you.” Nikolai squeezed her arm for a moment. “Hell, if anything I’ll send a couple of friends your way. I got a writer friend that would absolutely love to have their characters drawn by someone, and they will absolutely be willing to pay sixty or more for your work.”

Alina shifted back and forth where she sat, not meeting his eyes. She’d never really been a super busy artist anyway, and with how little she was usually able to get done between work, between bringing Mal and his friends out to drink… “I’ll think about it.”

And beside her, Nikolai sighed. “Well, that’s about as much as I can get you to do. But really, your art is worth a lot more than you think.”

“Thanks, Nikolai.”

He smiled, before standing and offering her a hand. “Of course, Alina. But c’mon, let’s get out onto the ice before it gets too much later.”

Alina took his hand, and while walking with the skates on wasn’t too horrible, it was nerve wracking to first step out onto the ice. Nikolai let go of her hand for just a moment so that he could slide on himself, before waiting just a step away from her with his hands in his pockets. She cautiously stepped forward, her ankles wobbling awfully, and-

Alright. She could do this.

She slid a foot forward, shifting her weight, and then she was toppling forward. Nikolai caught her with a grace that she really wanted to drag him down to the ice with her for, and he gave a light laugh as he steadied her. They ended up inches apart, chest to chest, and he chuckled as he held onto her arms.

“Just a little bit at a time, okay? We won’t head out too far.”

Alina huffed but nodded. The ice was surprisingly smooth, though she could still feel every little imperfection beneath her feet. Nikolai took the lead, and gently he pulled her along with him. There was a lot of cursing and laughing going on as he gradually started picking up speed, before Alina eventually forced him to let go of her.

And then she got to see him on the ice, truly. And he was… infuriating. He swirled around her with impossibly easy movements, a stupid grin on his face that only grew wider with every time he saw her roll her eyes.

“Oh, come on. You just have to be Prince Perfect, don’t you?”

Nikolai laughed, and the noise echoed faintly back at them from the shoreline. “I’m far from perfect, sunshine. Ice skating is just something that I’ve practiced at a lot.”

“Mmmhm. And how long have you been skating?”

“Twelve years,” he said nonchalantly. “Since I was twelve, actually, so I guess now I’ve been doing it for half my life. I had a phase where I wanted to be a figure skater when I was younger, and my parents decided to indulge me for a small while.”

Alina sighed in despair, before carefully lowering herself to sit on the ice. “You got any tricks you can remember, then, since you seem insistent on showing off?”

He laughed once more before shrugging. "I mean, I'm a bit rusty with my tricks but… if you want to see."

"Sure, sure. Give me a reason to hate you more."

"Only for you, darling," he said, winking. And then he skated off, making big looping circles on the ice… before falling into a sort of dance. It wasn't Olympic-level impressive moves, but it was definitely more than Alina would ever be able to accomplish herself. The way Nikolai stretched, spun, twirled… he was goddamn beautiful, stupidly so, and again she found herself wondering what a man like him would ever want with a girl like her.

And then Nikolai left the ice, for just a moment. She watched as he threw himself into the air, spinning, heard the moment of silence where his skates stopped touching the ice. And then he landed, and slipped, and with a surprised shout he lost his footing and tumbled.

Alina gasped, trying to struggle to her feet as he skidded across the surface of the lake. "Nikolai!"

He slid to a stop and gave a quiet groan, though he lifted his head as he did so. "I'm fine, sunshine. Just landed wrong… damn, and that used to be my favorite to do."

Still, she rushed as much as she could over to his side, tripping and nearly falling on top of him as she reached him. Unfortunately, instead of landing on soft body, her knees banged painfully against the ice and she let out a hiss as Nikoali flung up a hand to try to support her. Or at least to protect himself, before he realized that she wasn't about to crash down onto him.

"You're an idiot," she said with a worried frown.

He chuckled and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "Oh, hush. I really am fine, Alina. I've taken worse tumbles." Still, he made no move to try to get up, even closing his eyes for a moment as he took a deep breath. "I guess that's what I get for trying to be cool."

"Yes, yes it is."

"Am I though, Alina?" He opened one eye to stare up at her, a smirk breaking through his lips.

"Are you what?"

"Cool."

"I…" she snorted, smacking his chest. "You're ridiculous."

"I'm cool as ice then. Lovely."

She groaned, a moment before Nikolai took her hand in his own freezing grip and pulled her down beside him, so that her head was pillowed by his shoulder. Alina gasped at the sudden movement, then grumbled as she repositioned to press close to his side, the warmth his closeness provided her with. And then she turned her gaze to the sky, once more taking in the seemingly infinite expanse of starlight stretching out above them.

All this time, all her life these stars had been so close to her view. It was impossible to see them like this in the bustling city, where only the brightest of them showed. But up here, where the air was clear and there was nothing but dark forest and lakes for miles and miles around, the stars burned bright as gems.

They were both silent for several minutes, taking in the sight, before a shiver wracked her body, and Nikolai’s arm tightened around her. “I suppose we should probably go back to the car, hm?”

“Probably…” Alina yawned and hissed with another shiver, tucking her face against his shoulder.

He chuckled lightly and sat up, pulling her with him. And then he got to his feet, much cleaner than Alina could ever manage, and offered her a hand that she took with a roll of her eyes.

They returned to the car, switched back to their normal shoes, and then slid into their seats as Nikolai turned the car back on and waited for it to start warming up properly. This time he kept the music quiet, and even while they slid into silence, Alika felt comfortable.

Until she felt Nikolai lean closer to her. Until he reached over, gently sliding his long fingers through her own, clasping their hands together with an aching tenderness.

“Alina…” His voice was a whisper.

She hummed, nervous to look up from where her eyes were stuck on their hands. “Yes?”

His thumb stroked over hers. “Can I kiss you?”

That had her eyes flicking up to his, and almost immediately she was drowning in his hazel gaze. Her mind flickered to blue eyes, to messy brown hair, to drunken breath washing over her lips - but hesitantly, she nodded.

And Nikolai’s free hand came up, chill fingers drawing her closer by the nape of her neck. She sighed into the kiss as their lips brushed together, and he pressed forward to claim the sound from her.

Every hum seemed to make him smile. She could feel the way his lips pulled taut as he tried so hard to not ruin the moment, but eventually his smiles made her give a small laugh, and the spell of the kiss was broken. In a way, at least - they remained close, Alina laughing quietly as Nikolai shook his head and pressed his forehead against her own with a grin. It was wordless, the way they gravitated together again, lips pressing messily against lips and teeth clacking with irresistible smiles that only grew and made kisses impossible.

“Stop laughing,” Nikolai said with a grin, fighting back laughs himself.

“Stop smiling so much, then,” Alina replied, eyes squeezing shut as she giggled.

He brushed his fingers through her hair a little. “Ah, I find that’s rather impossible, sunshine. I can’t help but smile around you.”

Only a few more kisses were achieved from there, before Nikolai finally pulled back. The drive home was quiet, but joyful. Every moment he could, Nikolai was holding onto her hand with his free one.

He left her off with a kiss at her door, hands pressed to her cheeks as he laughed and gave her a goodnight that warmed her from the inside out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, *le gasp* there's been a kiss! A few kisses, even! But now the drama is really about to begin~
> 
> As always, feedback and general positive screeching is welcomed and encouraged in the comments. And, if you'd be ever so kind, consider [buying me a ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/R6R81AOHA). I'm struggling a bit right now and it would be a huge help, but it's up to you! Either way, thank you for reading and have a great day :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the date she had with Nikolai, Alina is left with a few choices. But there's some other tension in the house that will only get worse...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, after like four (five?) months, I finally update this! Not gonna lie, I had kind of fallen off of writing for this fic entirely, but all hail the people who have commented in the last couple of months because I would not have had the will to write this at all. So like. Seriously. Comments are my writing fuel, I read each one and I am filled with vigor.
> 
> That being said, with how much time it took for me to get the 9 thousand words of this chapter out, the storyline might seem a bit choppy and half-baked. This is because I have been writing most of this at around midnight-2am when inspiration hits, and there is like. Little to no editing because y'know it's 2 in the morning and we die like men, whatever.
> 
> Stay safe in this trying time of quarantine, and thank you guys for reading <3

> **Nikolai** : Good morning, sunshine~

Alina woke up to a text the morning after their date, and she could swear that her heart was about to break in two with all the contained feelings in her chest. She grinned widely and pressed her face into her pillow, pulling her covers up over her head as she stared at the screen. Despite the fact that it was a  _ Sunday _ and clearly a time to not be up early, he had sent the text a few hours earlier… so, six in the morning.

> _ Alina _ : Good morning, you mad fool. What were you doing up at 6?

Honestly, she wasn’t expecting to get a response anytime soon. So she spent some time scrolling through her social media, checking the attention that her work had gotten in the last week that she hadn’t been able to post.

A few likes here and there, a comment or two that made her grin, and even one person interested in commissioning her. She thought back to the talk that her and Nikolai had last night about her art business. Could she really ask that much?

> **Nikolai** : Mmm, couldn’t sleep for long apparently. Too caught up with my thoughts of a certain girl ;)

> _ Alina _ : Scandalous

> **Nikolai** : Only if you want it too be, lovely

Her cheeks heated up at his comment. That was a dangerous train of thoughts that led a bit too deep into more inappropriate things. Not that Alina hadn’t had any sexual encounters in her life, there had been a guy shortly after high school that she would usually rather forget, but… Nikolai. Nikolai, who she'd only just kissed the night before after weeks of dancing around him.

She sighed.

> _ Alina _ : Hmm. Eventually, I think.

> **Nikolai** : No pressure, darling ;) I'll wait for you, if that's what you want

> _ Alina _ : Such a gentleman

> **Nikolai** : I can do no more

> **Nikolai** : So… when do I get to see you next?

> _ Alina _ : I'm not sure. I have to work on commissions today, and I have work through the rest of the week… but weekends are always open.

> **Nikolai** : But that's so far away D;

> _ Alina _ : Are you always this dramatic?

> **Nikolai** : Absolutely not. I was in theater for years, my dramatic influence can go above and beyond even this

> _ Alina _ : Oh god, of course you'd be a theater kid

> **Nikolai** : I was also in debate, and student government

> _ Alina _ : Jeez, no need to rub your superiority in

> **Nikolai** : There must have been something that you did in school

> _ Alina _ : I won an art contest my senior year I guess?

> **Nikolai** : See, there's something! You got that good good art talent going for you

> _ Alina _ : Yeah, and nothing else

> **Nikolai** : Lies and slander, my dear. You are a wonderful individual with many good things hidden away, you just don't want to show off

> _ Alina _ : Like someone I know

> **Nikolai** : <3 you know you adore this show off

> _ Alina _ : Only sometimes

> **Nikolai** : How about I come and pick you up after work on Wednesday, and I take you out to dinner before dropping you back home. Doesn't have to be fancy, either.

> _ Alina _ : But that means that I have to deal with people

> **Nikolai** : My place, then? ;) I'm told that I can cook up some real good food

> _ Alina _ : Hmmmm. We'll see

> **Nikolai** : Is that the final call for now? :'D 

> _ Alina _ : Unfortunately so. It kinda depends on Mal's schedule, I might have to pick him up from work

> **Nikolai** : Doesn't have his own car?

> _ Alina _ : His broke down last month and it was cheaper to get a new one than to repair, so… he's been walking home when I'm not able to grab him, but I'd rather not leave him in the cold

> **Nikolai** : Ugh, fiiine… just keep me updated on your schedule, I gotta go for now, lovely

> _ Alina _ : I will, I will

> _ Alina _ : I’ll talk to you later

~~~

Mal had been quiet when she came down for breakfast. He’d been quiet when she asked about work, his schedule. Too distracted by something going on in his own head, she could tell, but he wouldn’t share with her. Instead he shook it off with a wave, giving her a smile and retreating into his own room for the afternoon that he actually had off.

So she worked on her art, getting her commissions done and starting on some other ones that she had waiting. And she got some warmup sketches done as well, and once more they were… filled with scenes of the night before, with Nikolai.

It was frustrating though, since she couldn’t capture the sight of the night sky on paper. Not like this, at least. There was no way that she was going to be getting the mass of stars, all the glittering pinpricks. Maybe once she was able to replace her tablet, got some new nubs for her pen, replaced whatever it was in her computer that had the thing running so slow…

She sighed. That was so far ahead.

Unless… no. Alina wasn’t about to ask Nikolai for help just so she could try to recreate the night sky on the computer. He might be interested in helping her art take off, but drawing tablets themselves could be hundreds of dollars by themselves. There was no way that she was going to be paying him back for all that anytime soon, not with the jobs that she had currently.

So it was an empty grey sky for now. Scribble trees, minimal shading, and an imagined scene of a frozen lake untouched by a car parked at the bank. She wasn’t great at drawing the exterior of cars, and she preferred it without anyways.

Then a glimpse of Nikolai skating, the way he had moved… it was hard to get such a dynamic pose correct, but she found it rather fun to draw once she did get it right. The way he had thrown his arms wide in that half second where he had left the ice. And then a simple sketch of him laying on his back, the look he’d given her just before she fell to her knees beside him after his fall.

There were so many moments that she could draw him in. Back at the ramen bar they’d gone to, the ridiculous look of concentration that he had while teasing her about her chopstick usage. The painfully honest expression he’d pointed her way when he had stopped the car in response to her questions. Earlier, his smile when he told her that he wanted to show her the stars more often. The silly grin that he had been plastered on his face when he had kissed her.

Oh, what had she gotten herself into?

She buried her face in her hands, pencil on her lap as she groaned in frustration. There was no use denying that she liked Nikolai, and obviously he… really, really liked her in return. He hadn’t bothered hiding a thing when it came to that, but would he really stick around? The way he had been talking last night said that he would love to stay for as long as he could, but Alina couldn’t quite believe that someone like him would be that… that  _ honest _ in a relationship.

It was unfair, she knew, but everything she knew about rich upper-class people was that they didn’t live normal lives. They didn’t have normal relationships, they had things that were filled with romance and drama and overbearing lust because they  _ could. _ They could deal with the fallout, the breakup after. They had the money and the ability to sit in their rooms and cry and eat ice cream and do nothing until they felt better.

Alina didn’t have any of that.

She was poor, she had a full-time job and a constant need to fill in commissions to make sure that any emergency funds were covered, and even still she could barely afford what she needed at times. She didn’t really have friends outside of Mal, she didn’t have time to go out and do things like Nikolai wanted. How could a relationship with him actually work out in the long run? 

Maybe it would be better to just drop it, let it fade away. Mal could find a different bar to schmooze around in, right?

But she doubted that Nikolai would give up on her that easily. He had her number, her address, it's not like she could simply avoid him completely if he really wanted her. But along that line of thinking, would he really give her space if she needed it? Or would he become an unbearable, suffocating presence in her life, sticking around even after she tried to push him away...?

Saints, why couldn't she just relax? She dropped her face into her hands with a groan and eventually, she got up. There was no way that she was going to be able to get work on her commissions done at this rate. She needed a distraction.

“Hey Mal?” She knocked quietly on his door, calling through. “Wanna watch something together?”

There was some shuffling from inside before the door opened, revealing Mal with his hair mussed up into a whirlwind of brown tufts and one earbud still hooked into his ear. “Hmm? Can’t focus or something?”

She shook her head. “Not even a little bit, annoyingly enough. I think I just need to take this week off from art, honestly.” And Alina smiled at him, inspecting the messy state of his hair.

“That’s fair. You don’t always have to work on that stuff, you know.” He caught her staring and raised an eyebrow with a ghost of a smile. “What’re you staring at?”

“Your hair. What have you been doing, rubbing a balloon over it?”

Mal’s laugh always filled her with warmth - it had always comforted her. “Think it could be a look?”

“Sure, if girls are into getting shocked every time you try to snog them.” Alina snorted, waving him out of his room. “C’mon, there’s a show on Netflix I wanted to watch.”

He smiled and nodded, stepping out as he pulled his other earbud out, joining her on the couch and stretching his legs out so that his feet rested in her lap. Alina scrolled through Netflix for a while until she found the show that she had been looking at - Lucifer, it was apparently some sort of police show with some interesting twists.

The comfortable silence between them only lasted maybe halfway through the first episode, with Mal shifting and spaced out as he fiddled with his phone without any real purpose. He kept turning it on and off, checking notifications as if he was waiting for something, and generally just… not paying attention to whatever was going on in the show. It was distracting enough that Alina could barely pay attention to it, so eventually she sighed and paused it.

It was enough for Mal to look up finally, looking a little surprised. “Oh, sorry. You don’t have to pause it, I’m just…”

“You waiting for a message or something?” Alina smiled, patting at his legs in her lap.

“... yeah, something like that.” He cleared his throat, rolling his head around on his neck as if he was trying to relax. “How did your date go, by the way? I didn’t get to talk to you before I went to bed.”

She paused, glancing at him before giving a small, shy smile as she thought back on… everything, really. The glimpse of the stars that she got, the ice skating, the way Nikolai kissed her…

“It was really good,” she murmured, staring down at her hands with a smile she knew must look idiotic, really. “I’ve never really seen the stars like that before, he drove us up into the mountains to go ice skating.”

“Ice skating?” Mal smirked at that. “How did that go?”

“I’d rather keep my feet un-bladed, thank you very much,” she stated dryly, giving him a significant look.

It had him laughing, wrapping his arms over his middle as he no doubt imagined Alina falling on her ass more often than not. “Well, I’m… glad that you had a good time, Lina.”

“Yeah.” She smiled back at him, deciding to not think too hard about the hesitance in his voice. It was probably just weird for him to be talking to her about her own dating experiences, since she had basically none of her own. Compared to his often and numerous attempts at dating that more often than not ended in some sort of disaster, it might not seem fair to him that she found a bit of happiness so easily.

Things to settle for a little while, Mal focusing on the show once more. By the time that dinner rolled around, it felt like most of whatever awkward fog had been hanging over them since the morning had faded away. They were back to their normal banter, their easy back-and-forth between the long moments of silence, basking in each other’s presence.

Alina could smile to herself, reassure herself that Mal was happy for her.

~~~

“Hey, what’s your schedule looking like this week?” Alina didn’t look up from where her pencil was sketching across the surface of the page - it was only Monday, but since she hadn’t gotten any of her work done on Sunday she was itching to get something out to at least post online.

Mal hummed before glancing up at her. “In from eight to four tomorrow, six til two on Wednesday, and nine to five the rest of the week if I remember correctly. Why?”

“Just wanted to know when I needed to pick you up,” she responded with a smile. “I might end up having dinner at Nikolai’s on Wednesday, so your schedule is perfect for that.”

“Hm…? Oh, okay.” And then he was buried back in whatever game he was playing, and Alina smiled just a little before going back to her drawing.

She put Mal’s voice out of her head, the tight shortness of it making her feel like something was off, somehow. Trying to take the descriptions and rough, amateur sketches of someone’s original character and turn it into a polished work of her own art was always hard, but this one was giving her a harder time than usual. The face just didn’t look  _ right, _ like the proportions were just off enough to bug her.

Then her phone started buzzing, and with a raised eyebrow she flipped the screen up to see Nikolai’s name.

A smile came unbidden to her face and she kicked off the blanket that had been covering her legs. It was about bedtime already, anyways. She could use this as an excuse to spend some quiet time in her room talking to Nikolai.

Scooping up her phone and answering the call at the same time, she stood up and started towards the stairs. “G’night, Mal,” she called over her shoulder, a moment before she put the phone by her ear.

“Well goodnight to you too, sunshine.” Nikolai’s voice came to her through the phone and she smiled just a little more.

“I don’t think your name is Mal, sir.”

“You never know, it could be a middle name or something. ‘Nikolai Mal’ would make a statement, I think.”

Alina laughed quietly as she got to the top of the stairs and slipped into her room, closing the door behind her. “I guess it could. What are you calling for so late, though?”

“What, a guy can’t call his darling to say hi? Besides, it’s barely nine o’ clock, it’s definitely not bedtime yet.”

His wording had her pausing just the half moment before she fell into bed.  _ His _ darling, huh? Did that mean that they were…?

Well, no better time than the present.

“So… just for clarification, are we like, a thing now? Officially?”

Nikolai paused on the other end for a moment himself. “If you want to, I’d like to call you my girlfriend, Alina. But it’s only if you want to, I’ll never force you into anything.”

His answer brought a pleasantly wistful sigh to her lips. “Thank you, Nikolai. Honestly I’m still kind of thinking about it-”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to make any big decisions right now.” She could hear the smile in his voice, making her chest clench with happiness. “What are you doing at this time of the night, anyway?”

“Just sketching some stuff out for commissions. I wasn’t able to get much work done on the weekend, so I’m just playing catch-up,” she said softly.

“Oh? Has a certain handsome devil snuck into your drawings again?”

Alina laughed at his brash tone. “Not quite yet, but I could fix that real fast.”

Nikolai hummed. “Do you need any inspiration, sunshine? This phone does have a camera after all, and it does seem to love me~”

“Pff, you have  _ such _ an ego, Nikolai,” she teased.

“I wouldn’t be me without it, darling.” His laugh was full and infectious, getting Alina giggling as well as she flipped to a new page and started sketching out a  _ very _ rough scene, a cartoonish version of her memory of seeing Nikolai falling on the ice.

He must have heard the skritch of her pencil on the paper and gone silent - when Alina realized, she was almost shocked to register how comfortable it felt, even over the phone. She could just barely hear his breath though his microphone, a quiet reminder of his presence. If she closed her eyes she could almost imagine that he was there, sitting next to her and watching as her hand moved across the page.

When she was done, she pulled her phone away and snapped a picture of her work, sending it to Nikolai.

“Happy now, prince charming?”

She heard the moment he saw the picture, the wild guffaw of a laugh that he gave loud even despite the muffling effect of distance between him and the mic. It had her grinning, delighted to get such a reaction from him.

“Oh, Alina, I love it,” his voice was nearly a wheeze, which of course got Alina laughing. Honestly, her little cartoon wasn’t even that funny, but Nikolai just seemed to have some magical ability to pull laughter out of her like it was some sort of string connected straight to her sense of humor. “Something like that deserves a place by the Mona Lisa!”

His comment only had her laughing harder, and after a few minutes they were both struggling to catch their breath, Alina’s face buried into her pillow. But when they both came down, nothing more than little giggles escaping both of them, Nikolai sucked in a deep breath and let out one last breath of a laugh.

“You are…  _ wonderful, _ Alina.”

The way he said her name had her blushing - there was a lot of emotion held there, things that she maybe wasn’t ready to actually acknowledge. Things that she found herself desperately wanting to comprehend, if only in the future.

Here she was, a girl on the phone with a boy that had kissed her, told her that he so desperately wanted to take her to experience the world, laughing over dumb drawings and good memories made together. It made her heart feel tight in her chest all over again, making it pound even as she smiled and curled up, setting her sketchbook down on her nightstand to wiggle under her sheets.

“You’re not too bad yourself, prince charming,” she murmured into the phone.

“Glad you think so, sunshine.”

Reaching out with one hand, Alina hunted around for her charging cord, plugging in her phone. Then she settled back into bed, eyes closing in the darkness once she turned off her bedside lamp. Again, the call went mostly silent as Alina listened to Nikolai’s breathing coming in and out, the gentle sound of sheets shifting on the other side.

“You really going to sleep, huh?”

Alina laughed quietly, stifling a yawn. “Yeah. I gotta be up early tomorrow. Work gets me up.”

“Ah, yeah.”

“You heading to bed yet though?”

“Well, I’m in bed, if that’s what you mean. Not sure if I’m going to be sleeping yet, though.”

“Why not? It doesn’t seem like you get to sleep in, either.”

Nikolai chuckled, sighing quietly through it. “Ah, just too many ideas running through this brain of mine.”

“What kind of ideas?”

“Ah, nothing that you’d like hearing about, I can assure you. Just ideas about possible engineering projects, improvements upon car designs, stuff like that.”

Alina let a small laugh slip through her lips, a smile curling at her lips as she listened to his voice. “If you want, you could talk to me about it.”

“You sure you want to sit through that, darling?”

“There are worse things to fall asleep to…” Her voice dropped into a shy mumble, not sure if that was too embarrassing to say.

The call was silent for just a beat before Nikolai gave another quiet chuckle. “Alright, but you asked for it.”

~~~

Nikoali paused for a moment - it occurred to him that Alina hadn’t responded to anything in the last few minutes, not even with any of the sleepy little hums that she had been giving him to let him know that she was still listening. On the other side of the phone he heard her steady, even breathing.

It was somewhat comforting to know that she had fallen asleep like that, listening to his voice. Even if her slight rejection had been a bit of a blow to his confidence, the fact that she was so open with him like this warmed his heart.

He could only imagine her at home, tucked in a warm bed with her phone resting next to her head on her pillow. The way she looked when she was sleeping was something he would never get over - the way her white hair spread out in ethereal waves, her peaceful expression, the way her body relaxed in a way that it never did when she was awake. In the bar, in his home, wherever else he had seen her, she always had a tension sitting in her shoulders that kept her alert and ready for whatever would come at her.

But it all slid away when she was asleep like this. And Nikolai wished that she was here in his bed instead of a couple of miles away in her own, if only for the chance to see her sleeping face again.

Nikolai had  _ loved _ having her over the one day that he had her. It was new and refreshing to have to cook for someone else, to have someone to talk to over breakfast. But it wasn’t as if Tamar and Tolya didn’t come over enough when he felt the need to invite them over for movies and popcorn - there was just something different about Alina that had him wanting to draw ever closer to her. She was like a dangerously addictive drug, getting him hooked even when all he had was a few conversations with her at the Volkvolny.

He wanted to see more of her. He wanted to be able to hold her hand every moment he could, he wanted to pull her close and kiss the daylights out of her.

Saints. The kisses they had shared over the weekend had him melting every time he thought about it, that moment where everything was  _ perfect. _ How could something so messy, so off-balanced and giddy be so perfect? It had gotten him feeling as if he was on cloud nine in the moment, and the novelty still had yet to wear off.

He wanted to kiss her again.

Nikolai wanted to kiss her again, so badly. Alina was just so… so good to him. It felt like it had been a while since he had smiled so genuinely this often, this easily. And it wasn’t as if Nikolai was sad with his life or anything, it just felt like Alina had brought a spark into it that he hadn’t had for a while.

“I think… I might love you, sunshine,” he whispered to the sound of breathing beside him. How weird was that, huh? To fall in love with a girl he hadn’t gotten the chance to spend nearly enough time with, in his opinion.

He could only wait and see if she would return the sentiment, Nikolai decided as he stretched and turned off his light. For now, he would let the call run for a while, maybe an hour or so before ending it and letting Alina sleep properly.

In the end, Nikolai only lasted maybe fifteen minutes before her breathing lulled him to sleep.

~~~

The day after she woke up still on the phone with Nikolai, Alina got home just a little earlier than she usually would.

It was still one thirty, so she went to her room and just hung out with her sketchbook, busting out what work on that she could. She was nearly buzzing with energy, even though she knew tonight was just going to be a dinner date. Still, it was with Nikolai, who had woken her up with a throaty chuckle, still rough with sleep as he welcomed to the new day before the sun had even risen.

Just that had gotten Alina’s heart pounding with a sweet feeling, a grin coming to her face whenever she thought about it.

She sat around for a while until around two o’ clock, waiting for Mal to call her to get her to come pick him up after work. When he didn’t show, she shrugged it off and assumed that he had probably gone home with Mikhael to hang out with him. That worked out just fine for her, either way. It saved her from having to pay for the gas to get to and from the house to pick him up, anyway.

Two thirty hit and Alina started getting ready, picking out a simple but cute outfit. Old, ratty blue (they looked more brownish-grey at this point) converse that she honestly should probably throw out at this point, some soft jeggings, and a grey tanktop under a baggy purple hoodie that had a massive cowl hood on it. Casual, but she thought it was fashionable enough.

Then three ‘o clock came around, and she got a call from Mal.

“Hey! What’s up, I thought you were going to need a ride earlier,” she answered.

Mal hummed. “Yeah, sorry. Boss has me pulling some extra hours, but… I’m not feeling too hot.”

Alina frowned. “So do you need me to come pick you up now? I can do that, I’m just about to leave anyway.”

“... I’m pretty sure that if I leave now, my boss would kinda murder me. I might be able to pull myself out in a couple of hours though?”

“A couple hours…?” Alina’s voice tapered off. “Mal, I have a date tonight, I was just about to leave for that.”

He sighed deeply. “I know, I know, and I’m really sorry. I just don’t really know who else to ask, with Mikhael out of town the rest of the week.”

“Mikael’s out of town?”

“Yeah, or I’d call him to get a ride tonight.”

“Mal…”

“Please? I’ll make it up to you later.”

Alina sighed. She knew that she could never say no to Mal, not if he was feeling sick while he was working. There’d been too many times that she’d felt like shit and not been able to call out of work. “Alright. Fine… I’ll- I’ll call Nikolai. Talk to you later, Mal.”

“Thank you, Alina. I’ll talk to you later.”

With a heave of a sigh, Alina sat down on her bed. She’d have to be on standby for Mal, she couldn’t even take the chance of going to Nikolai for the couple of hours before he tried to call out. And she didn’t dare have Nikolai come over to her house, not with the animosity that seemed to be rolling off of Mal this morning when she came down from her room with his name in her mouth.

She remembered Nikolai’s words - even if he’s just a friend, he could get jealous of her giving attention to someone else. Was that why he didn’t seem to like Nikolai or something? It seemed like it would make sense, Alina certainly knew that she had been jealous over Mal spending so much time with his friends before, several times over the years.

Eventually, she called Nikolai.

“Hey, sunshine,” he said, his grin bright even through the phone. “What’s up?”

It made her feel kinda depressed, honestly. Knowing that she had to cancel left a burn in her chest that she had to wonder after, just for a moment. “Sorry, Nikolai. I’m not gonna be able to come over tonight.”

“Huh? What’s wrong?”

“Stuff just came up, I-” She heaved a sigh. No excuses. “Mal just called me, he’s not feeling great and his boss apparently forced some extra hours on him, and Mikhael isn’t in town to give him a ride apparently.”

Nikolai hummed. “Well shit, sunshine. I could get Tamar to pick him up or something, you could still…”

“No- no, I’m sorry. Ugh, it’s just. Mal is stubborn and dumb about when he gets sick, y’know? He’ll say he’s not feeling great when he’s actually on the verge of puking and- and he won’t really take care of himself? So I gotta make sure that he’s okay for the night.” Alina groaned, flopping down on her bed. “I’m really sorry Nikolai. I was just on my way out of the house, too.”

“It’s fine, sunshine.” His voice was soft, reassuring. “It’s fine, really. If he’s sick, do what you have to, we can reschedule.”

“Maybe we can escape back to your place again this weekend,” she joked weakly.

Nikolai chuckled at that, the sound like a caress over the back of her neck, down her spine. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

~~~

He ended up staying on the phone with her until Alina got a text from Mal. Apparently he’d managed to sprain his ankle, and was now being sent home for… a couple of days to recuperate and all that.

Then it was a panicked ride to the warehouse he worked at, helping him into the car as he winced and bit his tongue, before driving him home.

It sucked, because having Mal stuck around the house meant that he got restless. He texted her near-constantly on Thursday, to the point where he insisted on calling her during her breaks just to have someone to talk to. For that time he mostly filled her in on jargon for whatever game he was playing at the moment, making jokes she only barely understood.

She laughed along anyway, because Alina always did if only to hear Mal’s laughter, to imagine the way his eyes lit up with delight.

But when she came home on Friday, he was occupying himself with some game on his phone. It was quiet in the house, and Alina wondered what was on his mind that had Mal so quiet at the moment, when he had been so talkative even just on her way home.

Then his phone rang, and he raised an eyebrow and answered the call, putting it on speaker so that he could continue playing.

It was Mikhael, telling Mal about whatever trip he was on at the moment. Alina mostly checked out of the conversation, always rather annoyed with the buzz of the other guy’s voice, until at least something of interest came up.

“Also, hey. Thanks for taking those extra hours for me on Wednesday! Thanks to that I was able to get properly packed and-”

Alina stared at Mal as he ended the call, a guilty flush coming to crawl over his face.

“Mal?”

“... yeah?”

“What was that about?”

“Nothing.”

Her eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. “That was definitely not nothing.”

“It was  _ nothing, _ Alina.”

“You seriously took extra hours? You knew that I had plans on Wednesday!” She was up on her feet, annoyance turning to anger as she stared down at him. “I- you- were you  _ seriously _ trying to sabotage me? What the hell, Mal!”

He flinched, a frown coming to his face. “Oh, come on, it was  _ one _ night-”

“One night that you actively tried to ruin! Did you sprain your ankle on purpose too, just to make sure that I couldn’t leave you alone for a while after, too?!”

“No! Alina, just calm down, I can explain-”

“Then explain to me! Tell me why my best friend would betray my trust like that and  _ lie _ to my face over one date night-”

“Because I love you, dammit!”

Mal’s voice left a ringing silence in the room as Alina froze. He… Mal… loved her. The way he said it wasn’t like the ways he had said it before, it wasn’t the love that he gave to his friends and  _ her, _ as his closest friend. It was like…

Like the way she had always wanted to say it to him.

But it  _ wasn’t, _ because as much as Alina had always loved him, she’d never gotten in the way of his relationships. She’d never purposefully kept him from going out with any girl that she heard of or met, she had  _ never _ lied to him like he had in order to keep him home with her. The momentary shock she felt melted right back into white-hot anger.

“Don’t.  _ Don’t. _ Don’t fucking do that to me, Malyen. I’ve been staring after you for my entire goddamn life, don’t you  _ dare _ say that you did this because you  _ love _ me.” And then she whipped around, tears in her eyes, and wondered how everything could go to shit so quickly.

She heard the couch creak as Mal struggled to get up. “Alina, wait, wait!”

But she was already marching towards the door, grabbing up her keys. She stormed out, not even wearing a jacket over her work clothes, and went to her car. It struggled for a moment but she managed to get the junky old thing to turn on in the cold and immediately started off into the dark. For once, she didn’t worry about the price of gas or where she was going, she just picked a direction and drove.

Soon enough she started shivering. The car’s heater was barely functional, but after testing at a couple of red lights she got warm air moving through the dusty vents and finally started warming up.

Eventually, after a while of wandering through city streets, she decided on a direction to go. And in less than fifteen minutes, her and her old shitty car were parked in the lot of Nikolai’s building.

> _ Alina _ : Hey, can I come over?

> **Nikolai** : Of course. Want me to come pick you up?

> _ Alina _ : … I’m actually already downstairs. Wanna come grab me?

> **Nikolai** : Didn’t realize you were feeling so needy, sunshine ;) I’ll be down in just a minute, see you soon <3

With that, Alina stepped out of her car and rushed through the cold to get into the building. There she stood in the lobby area to wait for him, trying to rub the chill out of her arms and fingers as she shivered. Soon enough, the elevator dinged and Nikolai stepped out, his eyes instantly catching onto her as he hurried forward.

He almost immediately peeled off the hoodie that he was wearing, throwing it around her shoulders. “No jacket, Alina? I thought you were smarter than that, this cold will kill you if you don’t have one.”

His voice was light, but there was serious concern behind it as he pulled her close and kissed her hair.

“Yeah, sorry… and sorry for showing up like this, I just needed to get out of the house and I don’t really have anywhere else to go.” Alina pressed her face against his chest, glad to be able to breathe in Nikolai’s scent - it was almost startling how quickly it had become something comforting to her.

“Hey, it’s perfectly alright - I was just thinking about how I’d like to hang out.” He gave her a squeeze before leaning back. “What happened, anyway? It doesn’t seem like you to suddenly feel the need to get out of the house after work.”

Alina looked away, her eyes dropping nervously to the ground. “Me and Mal just… had an argument. I wasn’t going to be getting any peace if I stayed around the house.”

“He going a bit stir crazy with that sprained ankle of his?” Nikolai brushed a lock of hair back, that concerned light still in his eyes.

“No…” She frowned, eyebrows furrowing once again as she thought of Mal’s confession. “He- he actually apparently sabotaged our date on Wednesday on purpose. He picked up some extra hours from his friend to make sure that I’d feel pressured to come pick him up, and honestly I’m not sure if he sprained his ankle on purpose or not.”

Nikolai frowned as well, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Well, let’s get you up to my place, huh? It’s apparently bedtime for you, missy.”

“Missy?” A faint smile pulled at her lips. “That’s a new one. What are you, an old man?”

“I could act like it if I wanted to, but alas no. I am eternally young and youthful you see, no wrinkles on this face.” He grinned at her with an exaggerated wink, and Alina could almost forget about the fact that she had ran here to get away from Mal, which felt just about as backwards as things could get. She shouldn’t ever have a reason to run away from her best friend, and yet here she was.

“I don’t know, Nikolai… I think prince charming is starting to get some crow’s feet.” She nudged at him and he simply pouted at her, pulling her close when they stepped into the elevator.

He leaned down until their faces were just inches from each other. “I don’t know, sunshine… I hate to say it, but I think you’re lying to me.”

Alina blushed at his closeness, staring up at him, surprised to find his eyes dark with something like want for just a moment. Then he was jostled slightly closer as the elevator started moving, and Nikolai delivered a soft kiss to her cheek.

A breath escaped her - with how he had been looking at her, she had almost been expecting him to devour her on the spot. “You’re a tease, you know that?”

“If I want to be,” he said with a grin, hugging her tightly then. “I hope you don’t mind that though.”

“I don’t mind too much.” Alina’s voice was muffled into his chest, but she found herself laughing. It was… easier than she had expected it to be, to just escape here. To find herself in Nikolai’s arms, laughing, even after a fight and a confession from Mal that might as well have broken her if she had been on her own.

Then the elevator stopped, and Nikolai pulled her along by the hand to his actual apartment - and stepping in was just as breathtaking as it was the first time, seeing the view of the city below through the large windows.

“Have you had dinner, sunshine?”

She shook her head. “No… I had basically just gotten home when I left again.”

“Alright then, let’s get some food into you.”

Alina watched as he straightened up the mass of papers that still sat on the island counter, placing it elsewhere so he could have some room to cook. Passing by, she caught onto it and found drawings - blueprints really, with neat, flawless lines and little scribbles of notes around it.

“You never said you did art as well,” she pointed out, staring down at the papers.

Nikolai looked at her, then saw the pages that she stared at. “Oh, uh… well, it’s not really art. Just redesigning some gadgets with a friend of mine, really.”

“Are you designing a phone of some sort?”

“Ah, uhm… ish. Of some sort.” He gave a sheepish grin. “It’s actually… basically a super-charged hand radio. Me and David are hoping to get it working well enough that it can connect two of them together through hundreds of feet of water and stone, make it a new way for spelunkers and divers to stay safe as they explore caves and such.”

Alina blinked at his explanation. He seemed… nervous, almost. Kinda shy, which was definitely a first for him. “Wow. That’s… that’s really cool, Nikolai.”

He shrugged. “It’s more of a hobby anyway, I can’t exactly go off and pursue this kind of thing full-time.”

“Why not? It seems like you have enough money coming in with the Volkvolny.” She looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. “Why not figure something out?”

Nikolai chuckled, shaking his head. “Ah, Alina…”

“No, seriously!” Alina grabbed his wrist as he tried to turn away towards the stove. “We haven’t talked much about it, but… you seem like you’re absolutely brilliant. You have the ability to really do something if you wanted to, Nikolai, I don’t see why you shouldn’t go after something like that.”

“It’s just… complicated.” He gave her a soft smile, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “But I appreciate the sentiment, I really do. Thank you, sunshine.”

“Nik-”

“Ahb bup bup, hush sweetheart.” His momentary melancholy seemed to drop away in an instant, so quickly that she had to wonder if it was an act in the first place. “We need to get some good food into your belly, and then you need to sleep. You don’t have work in the morning, do you? You can stay here for the night.”

She huffed at him. “If you go after this stuff, then maybe I’ll pursue art more seriously.”

Nikolai stared at her for a moment, shocked out of whatever his next words were going to be. “... really?” And then he laughed, throwing his head back. “How about we switch it around, hm? If you go out and try to get your art out into the world, then maybe it will give me the courage to get the gadgets that me and David make out there as well.”

“You just don’t to be the first one to try,” Alina said with a glare.

“Of course not. It’s nerve wracking to be the first one to take the plunge.” And he gave her a soft smile, brushing a thumb across her cheek. “But I’m sure that you’ll do fine, if you do take the challenge, Alina. Your art is beautiful, as is your personality. And the rest of you, really, I must admit-”

“Alright, alright,” she said, gently batting his hand away. “Fine, I’ll think about going first.”

He grinned, taking her hand and suddenly twirling her around. “Good! Now, go sit down while I get food going.”

While Alina got slightly shoved towards the couch, she could hear Nikolai already turning back towards the kitchen. He quietly whistled a tune to himself that seemed just a little off-key to her, as playful as it sounded. It seemed like he was left in a good mood after their little argument, which made Alina smile even as it brought her mind back to what had brought her here in the first place.

_ Because I love you, dammit! _

Mal’s voice echoed in her mind. He had been angry, desperate, and it held so much emotion that Alina didn’t know what to do with the memory of it.

She’d waited so long to hear him tell her that he loved her, the way that she had wanted to hear from him. But now that she knew that he loved her  _ like that, _ she felt worse. So much worse, to know that he had lied to her to try to keep her away from someone else that she was really starting to care for.

It made her rethink the relationship that she had with Nikolai - if she had to choose between Mal and Nikolai, who would she rather be with?

Mal was comfort. He was all her fuzzy childhood romances wrapped up into one person, the familiarity of his blue eyes all the reassurance that she needed most days to remind herself that things would be okay. They had made it through hell and back together through their days both together and apart when they were still simply two orphans that had latched onto each other. He was everything Alina had  _ ever _ wanted, her sweetheart that had stayed just an inch or two too far for her grasp to reach.

But Nikolai was something new, something fresh. He’d never hidden any sort of attraction to her, showering her in all sorts of praise and compliments as he flirted shamelessly with her. He filled her belly with butterflies with those hazel eyes of his, made her thoughts of the future uncertain. She didn’t know where she could go with him, the places that she could go. Where her future with Mal had always been small - an apartment, one or two kids and maybe a pet of some sort - Nikolai was a blank slate of white. An empty canvas that she only had to fill in, and that  _ scared _ her.

Her stomach dropped into her shoes at even the thought. Maybe her future with Nikolai would stop after just a few more dates, what was she doing imagining something that compared with Mal?

Of course it would be Mal. He had always looked after her, even if he sometimes… had small lapses in judgement.

But for right now, she let herself relax into the warmth that was Nikolai’s apartment, grabbing one of the pillows on the couch to curl around once she had kicked her shoes off. Soon enough he joined her, leaning against Alina’s shoulder with that playful grin of his.

“So, anything that you want to watch tonight, sunshine? Dinner is in the oven, it’ll be done in about half an hour.”

She shrugged, half burying her face into the pillow. It smelled like him. “Nothing that I can think of. I’m good with just about anything, honestly.”

“Alright, then…” He pursed his lips, turning the tv on and scrolling through until they found something that they could both agree on.

Then dinner was made, and they ate and joked around a little - Nikolai seemed rather offended at the fact that Alina didn’t have as good of a diet as he did, which she only threw her arms up at. The ‘not like I can help it’ was communicated pretty efficiently.

And then he put a random playlist on shuffle for them to listen to as they sat around and talked, wasting the time they had before Alina finally called it a night. She had a feeling that Nikolai just wanted to spend some time with her anyway, since they had missed their date night. So she sat up and held the conversation as long as she could, until she started yawning, blinking slowly as she tired. All the emotions tonight had left her feeling kinda exhausted, and honestly she was ready to crash.

~~~

Nikolai saw Alina start to tucker out, the way she curled up and yawned into the pillow in her lap. It was absolutely adorable, really - the dopey sort of look in her eyes, the way she seemed to draw her responses out just a little as they talked about nothing in particular. The weather, games, recent news, her art all thrown in as topics at one point or another.

He knew that she wasn’t telling him everything about what had happened with Mal. He knew that there was something else, but. Well, if she didn’t want to share right now, he wasn’t exactly in a position to push about something between two people who had been friends for years.

The only thing he could do was hope that it wouldn’t hurt Alina in the long run. She had enough to deal with at the moment, the way she seemed to talk so casually about sometimes not being able to afford things. The way she had to worry about whether or not she had enough money for gas, whether or not she was going to have to ration her meals a little for the week, whether or not she could afford treating herself to little pleasures throughout her time.

By the time he caught her nodding off, he’d firmly decided that he would find some way to help her out.

“Hey… hey, sunshine, let’s get you to bed.” He nudged her, pulling her legs out so that she wasn’t as curled up. “I can get you some of my pajamas so you don’t have to sleep in your work clothes, okay?”

“Mnn…”

Nikolai chuckled, probably much too endeared by the little sleepy noises she made as he shuffled her around, gathering her into his arms. “C’mon, up you go.” And he straightened up, pulling her up with him so that he could carry her. She was warm, and though he could feel her ribs where he held her, she was soft where it counted.

Walking to his bedroom, he looked down at her and found her eyes closed, her lips barely parted against his shoulder.

Saints and gods above, this girl was going to be the death of him. She was just too cute.

When he set her down on his bed, she had woken up enough to keep herself sitting up, blinking sleepily as he went to the dresser and pulled out a pair of sweatpants and one of his softest, most comfortable t-shirts.

“Here you go,” he murmured to her, brushing her white hair out of her face when he returned to her. “You can change into these to sleep in, and I’ll be out on the couch if you need anything, alright?”

Alina stared up at him for a few moments, blinking as she tried to comprehend what he was saying. “... stay?”

Damn. Was she trying to give him a heart attack? It felt like his entire body was threatening to burst with happiness as he grinned back at her, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “If you want me to, then absolutely. You can change in the bathroom, alright? Just come out when you’re all ready.”

She hummed sleepily and nodded, pulling herself to her feet with the clothes bundled in her arms as she disappeared into the bathroom.

Which gave Nikolai a few minutes to straighten his room out, because he absolutely did not have time to do so before Alina had texted him earlier. It wasn’t much of a mess anyway, but that girl did things to his heart - and his head too, probably. She made him so damn happy, and seeing her so soft and vulnerable with her tiredness was messing with him more than usual.

He wanted to hold her close, share sleepy kisses and fall asleep with her head on his chest. It seemed to simple, but with Alina it was anything but, with how it had his stomach twisting itself into knots.

And when Alina stepped out of the bathroom wearing  _ his _ clothes? Fuck. Fuck, he was  _ not _ ready for that.

He stepped forward as she smiled at him, once again more or less awake but still tired and soft with his shirt hanging off one shoulder and framing her collarbones in a way that was nothing less than artful.

Nikolai reached her, and Alina seemed to lean into him on instinct. He wouldn’t be surprised if she could feel the way his heart pounded, but she didn’t give an ounce of resistance when he pressed a finger up under her chin to lead her to look up at him.

“You’re beautiful, Alina,” he whispered, watching with delight as a blush rose to her cheeks. He leaned down, just a breath away from her lips before he paused. “Can I?”

She gave a shaky breath, then pressed forward by herself until their lips met, and Nikolai was in heaven. He wasn’t sure how much he was actually exaggerating, honestly - her lips were soft, just slightly chapped where she had been biting at them. Uncoordinated as well, though it was almost definitely just because of how tired she was.

It was sloppy and slow but it left him burning up as he grinned against her and wrapped an arm around her waist. All he would ever need was to keep her close like this - close enough to feel her warmth, to feel the way she sighed and smiled that dopey little smile against his own lips and eventually settled against him, tucking her head against his shoulder when they broke away from each other.

She was so  _ beautiful. _

“‘M sleepy,” she mumbled.

He chuckled softly, running his hand through her white waves of hair. “I know, sunshine. Let’s get you to sleep, alright? It’s way past your bedtime now.”

Alina only gave a silent nod before following him to the bed - it was large enough to fit them both, with ample room to spare. Still, he hoped that she wouldn’t mind him cuddling up to her.

When they slid under the sheets together, Alina automatically turned onto her belly and hugged the pillow under her head with a content noise.

Really, she was going to be the death of him. Nikolai’s cause of death was going to be the cuteness of a girl that he was rapidly falling in love with. What a cruel but oddly fitting death, he thought with that small smile that was refusing to die.

He turned the lights off and laid his head down, watching as her eyes closed. Soon after, with the light of the stars and the moon his only illumination, he got to see the way the tension slid out of her body, and it was just as beautiful a thing to see in person as he thought it would be. She was ethereal in the moonlight, the white of her hair nearly glowing as it graced the small amount of exposed skin around her neck and shoulders.

If he fell in love with her - if it hadn’t happened already at least - it would ruin him to see her with someone else. He would have to fight to keep such a gem, and he could only hope that she would appreciate that enough to stay.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Major decisions are made, but not quite the ones that Nikolai was expecting... either way, he's here to support Alina wherever he can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huzzah! Another chapter out, though it's a bit shorter than the others, and thankfully it wasn't the three-month break that the last one had! (I realize that I said that it had been like 4/5 months at the beginning of the last chapter, but it _felt_ like it had been that long) 
> 
> So, this is where our story experiences a big ol time skip! I hope it's something that y'all can keep up with, because honestly I wasn't entirely expecting for this to become an extended fic (at least in-writing time) but. Y'know. Writing with me never totally goes to plan.
> 
> Anyway! I love and adore every one of you that has left comments and kudos on this work, and I'm hoping that you'll continue to follow me through to the (eventual) finish of this thing... it's looking more and more like it's going to turn into another beast of a work. I currently have up to the 6th chapter plotted out, so there's at least going to be that many chapters, lol.
> 
> ~~And as always I wrote 90% of this after midnight and I have a minimal amount of editing put into it so forgive me, I have sinned~~

In the morning, Alina woke up sweaty and half under Nikolai’s body as he gently snored against her shoulder. Her first honest thought was that really, she was surprised that he hadn’t woken up first. Unless he had stayed up late last night after she remembered falling asleep… but she could’ve sworn that once they laid down, he had seemed pretty tired himself.

After sharing a kiss and laying down.

Saints, she was screwed. Even after deciding to herself that she was going to choose Mal in this conundrum, stay where it was safe and comfortable and  _ familiar, _ she’d gone and kissed Nikolai. Blame it on her half-lucid state.

Either way, when she shifted to try to slide out from under Nikolai, he moved with her with a quiet grumble as one arm tightened around her.

Dammit, Nikolai, stop being such a cuddler. It was hard to resist the warmth of his body when he was so warm, when his hair looked so soft in the dim light of the coming dawn. She’d been dreaming about this kind of thing just a couple days ago, hadn’t she? But then Mal had come and crashed into the scene of her love life and… it was supposed to be an easy decision. It was supposed to be Mal above all else, the person that she had been relying on for years that would be her top choice.

But then Nikolai had come and snuck up on her with those laughing hazel eyes of his, with nights spent keeping her amused while Mal and his friends went and messed around at the bar. He had been the one to break the routine that was her life, to present her with something new. Since they had started talking, her life wasn’t just work-draw-bar-repeat.

Alina hated being so damn indecisive.

She nudged Nikolai with an elbow, hoping that he would wake up pretty easily - but in this instance, he was dead weight clinging to her.

“Nikolai,” she hissed, trying to turn around so that she could push him off. But once again, hi arm tightened around her and he nuzzled into her shoulder with a sleepy murmur.

Alina huffed, twisting around as she tried to draw her legs up to shove him away like that. But it was harder than she thought it would be, and his body was stiff with sleep and she had to wriggle within his grip far more than she thought she would have. One, two, three attempts and suddenly his grip slackened just a little bit and suddenly her knee was between his and-

Nikolai shot up with wide eyes, almost immediately curling into a fetal position as he let out a high whine of pain.

“Oh my god. Oh my god I’m so sorry Nikolai.” Alina sat up as well, a little slower than he had, and put a hand on his back. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he wheezed. “Just give me a few.”

She stared for a few moments, feeling rather frozen - how do you apologize enough for kneeing a guy in the groin? “Uh. I’ll… go make breakfast? Just join whenever you’re feeling… okay. Sorry.”

“Sounds good,” he said, sounding very not good. “Be out in a few.”

Alina nodded and slid off the bed - it occurred to her that she was wearing  _ Nikolai’s _ clothes, which made her feel oddly warm and fuzzy - before heading off into the kitchen.

For a couple of minutes she put her face in her hands and silently ranted to herself, absolutely mortified about what she had done. God, she was such a mess, really - after  _ everything _ last night, showing up out of the blue and having Nikolai make dinner for her, the first thing she did in the morning was hurt him. Nice fucking going.

Still though, she had some breakfast to put together.

So she hunted through his fridge, pulled out some eggs and bacon, and got to work. Yet still, her mind was buzzing with thoughts.

Maybe she could start running after her art career more… she’d been working with it long enough, and she had enough of a following online to have a pretty decent portfolio at this point. It would be an interesting journey to start looking at getting her art into galleries, if that was possible for an online artist like her.

And if it didn’t work out, she could just… go back to her jobs. It wasn’t too bad to split her time between the grocery store and the game shop she worked at, right?

But- no. No, it wasn’t  _ too _ bad, but it wasn’t great. And if Nikolai seemed so confident about the fact that she could be making more money off of her art, then why not explore some options, right?

By the time that breakfast was done, Nikolai was finally toddling out of his room, still looking a bit… hurt.

“You feeling alright?” Alina could feel her cheeks heat up as she glanced at him.

He nodded, and gingerly settled into one of the barstools at the island counter. “Yeah, I’m just fine. Just a little sore.”

“Ugh, I’m so sorry,” she groaned, hiding her face in her hands again. “Why are you so cuddly in the morning, anyway?! You weren’t moving and then you just went  _ loose _ and I wasn’t expecting it!”

Nikolai gave a slight chuckle. “Yeah, I guess I should’ve warned you, huh? It doesn’t take much to wake me, but it… takes a little while. Unless something urgent is happening, I guess… or if the pretty lady next to me-”

“Shhhhut up,” she whined. “It was an accident!”

That drew a proper laugh from him, as he peered at the stove. “So what are you making? Bacon?”

Alina scooped some food onto the plates she had grabbed down, before placing one down in front of Nikolai. “And eggs. Pretty sure you had some orange juice in the fridge as well, if you want some.”

“Hmm… tempting. But I think I’ll just go with water for now, I’m not sure my stomach can take much after the beating I’ve had-”

“If you don’t stop talking about that I’ll eat your food for you.”

Nikolai narrowed his eyes at her. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“I’m an orphan, I know how to eat. Try me.”

He narrowed his eyes further, before not-so-discreetly shoveling almost an entire egg into his mouth, making a vindictive face at her.

It had her laughing, shaking her head as she got her own food and sat in the seat beside him. They ate in comfortable silence, Alina mulling over her ideas and her thoughts, trying her best to block out the night before and her argument with Mal.

But when the food was all gone and they had run out of excuses to stay silent, it was her that broke the silence.

“I think that I do want to get more involved with my art.”

Nikolai instantly brightened at that. “Really?”

She grimaced a little, but nodded. “Yeah, I think I do. I don’t really know where to start though, so…”

“You know what can help with that?” Nikolai patted her back a little, smirking that insufferable smirk. “A handy dandy Google search.”

Alina looked at him with a smile of her own and nodded. “Yeah… I guess that would be a pretty smart idea.”

~~~

Alina spent the morning with Nikolai, going over the steps of possibly getting her art into a gallery. She already had an online presence like the guide had suggested, and she already had a decent portfolio as well. Honestly, she would probably just have to start working with larger canvases. The market for more standard sketchbook-sized art pieces was uh… exceptionally low.

Luckily, she had worked with big canvases before. Somewhere around her art room she still had the massive sketchbook that Mal had gotten for her at some point, filled with her biggest art projects that she had made so far.

It seemed… deceptively easy, actually, to get into a gallery. She just had to start at a small, local level. Advertise a bit to any online fans that may be in the area so that they could get a chance at buying her art. Hope and pray that she could get someone to bite.

Pulling into the driveway of the home that she shared with Mal, dread seemed to crawl up her throat, choking her for a moment. How was she supposed to face him after last night? After the shit he had pulled, it didn’t… feel right to be returning so soon, maybe. It felt like maybe she should have waited longer, given them both some time to cool down.

Maybe she could just ignore it altogether and just get him to shove off completely.

Alina didn’t want to deal with romance right now. She didn’t want to have to distract herself with these feelings that welled up inside of her, the way they felt toxic and dangerous and  _ painful _ in intensity.

Right now, she wanted to focus on her art. Alina wanted to move on from just working at the grocery store, part-time at the game store, she wanted to do something  _ different. _

So she walked in.

“Alina-”

“I’m going to start looking into making art my career,” she said, cutting Mal off completely. It seemed to shock him into silence for a few precious moments. “I want to start working more on my art, instead of spending time at the jobs I’ve been working for the last few years. And so… I don’t think that I’m going to be worrying about anything romantic right now, and I need you to be my  _ friend, _ Mal.”

He stared at her, wide-eyed. But he seemed to sort through what she was saying, and slowly he nodded. “Alright, but… you sure? Cause the jobs that you’re working are still helping us keep ourselves afloat, right now.”

Alina sighed. “Yeah, I’m sure. I’m planning on dropping the game store for now, to give me some more time to work on my art. And if we start running into trouble, I’ll pick up where I need to, or maybe you can get a second job, but- we’ll figure it out as I go along, right?”

“Yeah… right. Right, okay. Where are you gonna start?”

“I’m not sure yet,” she murmured. “I have some tips that I found on the internet, but I guess my best bet right now is to just… start looking for opportunities.”

“Alright, like what?”

Alina tensed up a little - there was  _ something _ in his voice that seemed a little too accusatory - but she forced herself to relax. “Just gotta go find some galleries that might be willing to display and sell my art. Stuff like that. Might be able to find something online. But for now, I’m going to go lay down… I gotta think for a bit.”

Mal nodded. “... okay. I’ll talk to you later, then.”

“Yeah. Later.”

With a sigh and a flutter in her gut - she was actually going through with this, wasn’t she - Alina turned and walked up the stairs. Once in her room, she threw herself down on her bed and stared at the ceiling for a while.

She was actually doing this.

She  _ was. _

Where had all that extra confidence come from? Or was it just her will to avoid confrontation with her best friend?

A tiny laugh bubbled out of her. Either way, Alina Starkov was suddenly on her way into the art world. She only hoped that it would be willing to accept her.

~~~

It was a long road. A long, hard time going. Nikolai knew that, and he was so,  _ so _ proud of Alina. He was proud of all the effort that she had put into this dream of hers. She had been working herself into galleries and all the shows she could get. The last year had been hard on her, he knew - Nikolai had been helping her through where he could.

But the pit in his stomach was there all the same, despite how happy he was for her. He poked at his food, lost in thought before Genya threw her straw wrapper at him.

“You really need to look up a bit more, Nikolai. People will start to think that you’re going to be breaking up with me or something.” Her grin was bright as ever, but…

He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. Today was going to be the first big exhibit of Alina’s artwork, all the stuff that she had accumulated over the last year and almost a half since the two of them started talking at the Volkvolny. The least he could do was  _ look _ happy, or at least proud.

“Sorry, Gen. I’m just not feeling myself.”

“No shit, Sherlock. It doesn’t take much to see that.” She leaned forward on her elbows, a smile gracing her lips. “So what’s wrong? You’ve been boasting about this Alina girl for ages, and now that I finally get to see her in person you get all gloomy and sad on me?”

Nikolai gave her a look - they’d known each other for years, since they were teenagers, he knew that Genya could read him better than that. “It’s just complicated.”

“Again, no  _ shit, _ Sher-”

“I’ve been absolutely, irretrievably in love with her for almost a year and I don’t know what to do with myself. And I know in this time, she’s almost definitely gotten closer to her roommate and best friend Mal and-” he took a breath, trying to settle himself before he ended up running his hands through his hair and ruining his at least somewhat put-together look. “I’m afraid that I’m losing my chance with her. And I don’t- I  _ can’t _ be upset with her, not if that’s who she chooses. But, she’s just so…”

“Damn, she’s got you good, doesn’t she?” Genya gave him a softer smile this time, resting her chin in her hand. “I know there isn’t much I can do for you - I don’t know her, after all - but if you manage to get things to work out, I promise that I’ll leave you two alone for the next two weeks while you work out some… tension.”

Nikolai snorted quietly and shook his head. “Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Gen.”

The pit was still there though, developing into an ache in his chest that threatened to crawl up his throat. If this is what being in love was like as an adult, he wasn’t sure if he liked this stage of it. Everything felt overwhelmingly unfair, really.

Still, the two of them finished their food and climbed into the car, heading towards the gallery that was currently hosting the biggest collection of Alina’s art that she had gotten out at one time.

She was there at the door in a soft yellow dress and a smile on her face when they stepped out of the car again.

“Nikolai!” She grinned and hurried forward, throwing her arms around him with an excited hug that nearly had his heart stopping. “Hey, I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Hey sunshine,” he greeted, a smile coming unbidden to his face. Saints, she was gorgeous like this - her white hair braided over her shoulder, a few soft wisps framing her face. If he didn’t know better, he would say that she was  _ trying _ to kill him. “A big day today, huh? How’s everything going so far?”

“I’ve been doing just fine,” she said with a growing smirk. “I’m still kind of in shock, honestly - I still can’t believe that I’ve taken over this gallery for the next  _ week, _ it feels like I’m in some sort of dream.”

Nikolai laughed, an arm around her shoulders as he pulled her in for another hug. “Hey, I told you that you could get here, Alina. You’ve been getting popular recently.”

She smiled happily, before her eyes trailed over to Genya, who was watching the two of them with a suggestive smirk. “Oh, uh… hi. Nikolai, is this-”

“This is Genya, an old friend of mine.” He grinned, patting her back gently. “Don’t be intimidated too much by her beauty, she has to work ten times harder than anyone I know to get ready in the morning.”

Genya pouted at him in return, before rolling her eyes and taking one of Alina’s hands, squeezing it gently. “I don’t take that long, sir charming here just thinks that no one should ever spend longer than five minutes getting ready.”

“Pff, not quite, Gen. More like half an hour - any longer than that and it’s getting a little ridiculous.”

“As I said, five minutes.”

Alina stifled her laugh with one hand, glancing up at Nikolai. “You’d hate to find out how long I took getting ready for this event, then.”

He rolled his eyes with a good-natured nudge to her side. “Oh come now, how long can it take to put on a dress?”

“Not long, but it might take an hour for me to decide on the  _ right _ dress?”

Nikolai sighed mournfully. “I suppose that not everyone can have such an easy time picking something out of the wardrobe, like myself.”

Both Genya and Alina, almost entirely in sync, smacked his shoulders.

“Don’t let that ego get to be too much, prince charming, or I’ll have to kick you down a notch or two myself,” Alina threatened with an amused look thrown his way.

Genya nodded sagely. “Seconded. Alina, I really don’t think that he’ll survive the two of us, he really should watch out for his kneecaps.”

“Oh dear, I’ve brought a dangerous combination of women down upon myself, haven’t I?” He hung his head a little, pouting at Alina for just half a second before his lips curled as he had a thought. “At least Tamar isn’t here. I truly don’t think that I would survive the three of you then.”

In return, Genya laughed and pulled her phone out of her dress’s pocket. “I mean, that can be arranged…”

Nikolai groaned, tucking Alina’s arm around his own and leading the two of them back towards the gallery. “Oh dear, please, no. As much as I do adore my favorite security guards, I believe that this is a time for us to celebrate with the people most involved. Plus one of course, because Genya insisted on coming to meet you, Alina.”

She snickered, but once they got to the building where the exhibit was actually being held, Alina was pulled away to talk to some other guests, with a passing promise to take them out for drinks if things went well.

So him and Genya wandered around, taking a look at all the art that Alina had on display. Most of it was in pencil, with subtle color that seemed to blend wonderfully into the almost sketchy style of it. Alina had found that when it came to bigger canvases, she was better off letting it seem somewhat incomplete - if she tried to clean it up, she ended up going overboard with trying to fix everything.

He had helped her settle into a new style - something that she could put on a big canvas and something that she was comfortable and familiar with. There had been many nights that they had stayed up on the phone for, sometimes falling asleep on the call and other times giving each other quiet goodnights before Alina went up to her room to actually sleep in her bed.

At times she had ended up in his apartment, hair tied up with her art supplies strewn about the floor, charcoal and graphite smudged across her cheek where her black-stained fingers had rubbed at her face in frustration.

Nikolai had loved those days, where he could quietly call out of whatever meeting his parents wanted him to attend and stay with her, watching her work with a mug of tea in his hand. She was always so focused, a brightness in her brown eyes that he never saw anywhere else than when she had a pencil in her hand.

And now, to see her art hung up on walls and displayed on stands around the room for Genya and the other guests of this gallery to coo and wow themselves over…

He was proud of her. Despite the dread he had carried to the door, his chest warmed to think that she had done this all by herself.

By  _ herself, _ because as much as Nikolai offered, she refused to take any financial aid outside of an occasional twenty dollar bill to make sure that she could afford a tank of gas for the week, or a celebratory dinner when she got new artwork out.

The first time she had actually sold something, she had been elated even though the amount she had been paid was probably no more than fifty dollars. She’d driven straight over to his apartment with paint in her hair, yellow and gold and a smudge of blue on her chin and it had been… so hard to not kiss her when Nikolai had opened up his door to be greeted by an armful of  _ Alina. _ Alina who was so giddy that she was nearly dancing, absolutely ecstatic by her first time getting her art into someone else’s possession.

He looked around, and so many of the pieces that he saw were ones that he had been seeing in and out of his apartment. Just another reminder of how Alina had made him part of her journey through to this point.

“You good so far?” Genya broke him out of his thoughts, her amber eyes locking with his in concern.

“Hm? Oh, yeah. Just thinking… I’m really proud of her. She did all of this by herself, you know,” he said, gesturing around. “She worked on some of these pieces in my apartment, and I swear the way she focused so hard…”

Genya gave him a smirk. “You are so…”

“Whipped? Lost for her? Dumbfounded? Yeah, I know.” Nikolai sighed, tapping one shoe against the tile of the floor. “I’m surprised that you haven’t noticed sooner.”

“Oh no, I noticed. I just didn’t think that it was this bad. Does her proximity just do this to you?” Genya grinned, tapping her fingernails against his cheek. “It’s so rare that I get to see you this flustered, Nikolai~ I like it.”

He stuck his tongue out at her before smiling, shaking his head and turning away. “Maybe it is just the proximity. It’s hard not to think about her when she’s so close.”

“Fair, fair.”

Then there was a bit of a buzz on the other side of the gallery, and Nikolai turned to see what it was about - did one of her pieces get bought up? The works of art here had been priced  _ much _ higher than her previous shows, in a bid to hopefully get someone to bite, since some people would buy things just because of the fact that they were expensive.

But then his eyes fell on Alina - and Mal. Alina had her arms thrown around his neck, and she- she was kissing him and Nikolai felt his stomach plummet into his shoes.

When she broke away from Mal, she turned to a nicely dressed man in a dark suit, taking his hand and shaking it with a wild grin. She was talking, and Nikolai heard a faint buzz from the speaker system, but he couldn’t focus on anything else. Alina was so radiant, she was beautiful with that smile of hers and-

And she wasn’t his. It hadn’t been him to feel her grin against his lips and she couldn’t hide the glow in her gaze when she looked at Mal.

A brush of a hand against his arm and he looked over at Genya, who was staring at him in concern. “You need to step out for a bit?”

“Yeah.” Nikolai shook his head, finally giving into the habit to run a hand through his hair. “I gotta get out of here.”

Genya hummed and nodded. “Alright. I’ll come up with something, I’ll catch a ride back to your place later?”

“No… no, just- go home for now, Genya. I’ll be fine.”

He gave her a terse smile that she gave another concerned gaze in return for. And then he walked out with quick steps, checking his phone as he pushed the door open. No time to say goodbye to Alina, he just needed… some time alone for now. And maybe a glass of scotch when he got home.

It hurt, emotion a physical pain in his chest as he reached the car and tried to learn how to breathe again. It hurt, but if Alina had chosen Mal, then- then that was alright. It hadn’t been his choice to make in the first place, no matter how much he yearned for her.

As she once said, it wasn’t like there was a lack of women that would line up for a chance to get close to him, to be his girlfriend or mistress or even just a one-time lover.

But… there was only one Alina Starkov.

~~~

Three days later, and Alina was still waking up with a drop of sunshine in her chest, grinning as she watched the sun rise over the horizon.

Three thousand dollars. Three  _ thousand _ dollars for one of her pieces. It wasn’t the highest priced thing that had ever been sold, not by a long shot, but… damn. Holy crap. Alina would have never thought that she would be the one selling an art piece for that much, not in a million years.

With that much, her and Mal could pay for groceries for months without having to worry. They could actually go out and not have to count their dollars for every week, they could do something nice for the both of them without having to ration their food out or have to worry that Alina wouldn’t have enough gas to get to the grocery store and back.

She could actually take Mal out for a round of drinks, since he hadn’t really been able to go out with Mikhael and Dubrov to the bar for a while since she started her march into the art world.

And if Alina could get more art out at that price, get people paying that much more regularly for her art? Her and Mal could live comfortably, she wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. She could go and actually do something with her life, instead of being so caught up with work all the time.

Yet…

There was something off.

Nikolai had left in a rush almost immediately after her sale had been made. She hadn’t even been able to tell him about it before he had been heading out of the door, phone in his hand and a frustratingly blank expression on his face. Genya had said that something had come up, but when Alina tried to ask Nikolai about it, he had waved it off through his texts.

Laying in bed still, white hair spilling out across her pillow, she frowned. Maybe whatever had come up was serious, and he just hadn’t really had the time to talk to her…?

Or maybe she should just text him.

> _ Alina _ : Hey, you want to go out to dinner tonight? My treat

With that sent off, she rolled out of bed to wait for him to respond. Hopefully it wouldn’t take too long, so that she could plan her night around that. If he didn’t want to go to dinner, she could use the time to get some work done on her most recent piece - she’d been trying to pump one out at least every two weeks so that she always had a small store of them ready to be sent out somewhere new.

So she got up, made breakfast for herself and checked in on Mal from where he sat in the living room, tapping around on his phone. Their relationship had smoothed over once Alina had started working on her art career, which she was glad for. She couldn’t stand leaving any sort of tension between the two of them.

She sat with Mal, then went to her art room to work for an hour or two, and then made a small sketch of the man that had bought her art at the gallery. Tall, somewhat willowy, dark brown hair with odd amber eyes. He had given her a weird sort of vibe, like he was too… intelligent. But he had left after receiving his prize, after dropping what Alina had once thought was  _ way _ too much money on art.

But either way, by the time lunch rolled around, Nikolai still hadn’t answered her.

Which was wrong. It was a Saturday, Nikolai never had anything to do on Saturday mornings, or Sunday mornings. He had told her that it was to make sure that he would have enough energy to work at the Volkvolny in the evenings. So why wasn’t he answering? Unless he… was ignoring her?

Alina frowned and retreated up to her bedroom for a while, as she called his number and sat down on her bed to wait for him to pick up.

Which he didn’t. Not the first time, not the second, not even the third.

It wasn’t until the seventh call that Nikolai picked up, supplying a tired hum that sounded… very much not like himself. Blame it on her anxiety, but Alina could swear that it was different than what he usually was like. There wasn’t any of that sort of sleepy amiability in his voice like when he was usually first waking up. Instead it sounded dark, too flat and almost annoyed to be the Nikolai that she knew.

“Hey, you never answered my text…” Alina trailed off, not sure what to do. What had happened to him?

Nikolai just gave another hum, a deep breath as he answered. “Yeah, I’m just… feeling kinda out of it. I’ll be fine, it’s not bad. Just tired.”

It sounded like he wanted to be left alone. Alina could tell that much, but an anxious knot rose up in her throat, and it felt… like she was losing him, all of a sudden. It didn’t make sense, she knew that, but there was just something in his voice that seemed like it was trying to turn against her. She didn’t know what to do, not when Nikolai had become one of her closest friends.

If she lost him, then where would that leave her? He was the one that had gotten her to pursue the art industry in the first place, to put herself out there and just  _ try _ for something more than what she had.

“Hey, uh…” She took a breath. “I’m gonna come over, alright? If you’re not feeling great, then someone’s gotta take care of you, right?”

“You don’t have to do that, Alina- Genya was going to come over later, it’s nothing to worry about-”

Alina huffed into the mic. “Alright, but I’m coming over anyways. It sounds like you need to be cheered up.”

At that, he was silent.

“So I’ll see you soon, okay?”

He gave a non-committal hum, but didn’t say anything more. So she hung up after several moments, staring at the wall for a few moments.

There was something wrong. There was something awfully,  _ horribly _ wrong, and it made Alina’s heart start pounding in pure anxiety. Why wouldn’t he…? Why wouldn’t he want her to be around, what happened to make him start even slightly pushing her away?

Did… did he see her kiss Mal? Did he think that was any more than a spur-of-the-moment decision fueled by the adrenaline and excitement of being given three thousand dollars for her work?

Would it have affected him that much? Would he start pushing her away, cutting her out of his life? Saints, she hoped not - that would hurt so, so much.

But she had to know, she had to make sure that Nikolai didn’t need her help. So she got up, grabbed her keys, and waved to Mal on her way out of the house. The drive over was quiet, though her head was buzzing with thoughts that she really did not want to over-analyze at the moment.

Then she got to his building, stepping inside and riding the elevator all the way to the top, stepping out to knock on Nikolai’s door.

When he didn’t answer the first time, she sighed… and started knocking continuously, little insistent taps of her knuckles against the door. And even then, it took a few minutes for it to open, showing a Nikolai that seemed… distinctly ruffled.

His hair was a mess, he had circles under his eyes, his clothes were rumpled and wrinkled all to hell… it kind of seemed like he just hadn’t really moved since the opening day of her gallery.

“You okay, Nikolai?”

He cracked a tired smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. C’mon, you want some coffee?”

“It’s almost five, it’s a bit late for caffeine at this point.” Alina stepped inside, and he shut the door behind her.

Nikolai just shrugged, ruffling a hand through his hair and making it stick up in a mess of points and waves. “Never too late if you don’t have a regular sleep schedule, y’know how it goes.”

Alina pouted at him just slightly, and he turned away to start making some coffee for himself. “Nikolai…”

“That’s my name~”

“What’s going on with you?”

“Nothin’, just some stress going on in the family and co. And David has been hounding me for some new designs because he’s stuck with Harshaw for a week on some business trip and apparently needs something to distract him.”

She’d learned a while ago not to ask after his family - just as it was for her, it was a bit of a touchy subject for him, though she still didn’t know why. A year and a half later and she still didn’t even know his last name.

“You don’t… seem right? Are you okay?”

He yawned again, glancing over his shoulder at her before he gave a bright grin - an expression that was much more familiar to her. “I’m just fine, sunshine. Again, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine in a few days once I get stuff settled out with everyone.”

Alina frowned still, but nodded. Together they settled down on the couch and put something on to watch, like they usually did when they didn’t have anything to do. But still, there was something  _ wrong. _ Every time she happened to glance at him, he was staring at her. Or he was spacing out, eyes fixated on the bottom of the tv, or out the window, or his eyes were simply closed with a furrow between his eyebrows.

She didn’t know what to do with him, not like this.

“Nikolai…”

His eyes snapped towards her, almost surprised before he gave that usual slick grin of his. “Yeah? What’s up?”

“Really, are you okay?” She shuffled over, leaning towards him to put her hands on either side of his face. But he leaned away, a curious motion when Nikolai had  _ never _ turned away any sort of contact from her. Never. He always seemed to be leaning into her, hunting for just a bit more, pressing into her personal space in a way that never seemed to push her too much.

So why lean away now? Why avoid her concern, why seem so  _ off _ now of all times? Wasn’t he happy for her, glad for her achievement that she finally reached after so long? Alina didn’t understand what was going on with him.

“I’m fine, Alina.” He took one of her hands in his own, his smile turning more tender. But it was  _ wrong, _ this was all wrong. There wasn’t that light in his eye that shone when he was truly happy. His responses were empty, void of that life that she had come to lean on and adore when her own confidence faltered.  _ Why? _ Where was the Nikolai that  _ she _ knew, the one that would have rather been throwing himself over her lap right now to use her thighs as a pillow only to complain about their boniness?

Instead, as she stared, all he did was squeeze her hand and then release her entirely.  _ Wrong. _

“I think I just need some time alone, Alina,” he murmured, voice quiet.  _ Wrong. _

And then he stood up, taking her hand to pull her up to her feet. She felt frozen, and yet Nikolai just gently led her over to the door.  _ Wrong. Wrong, Nikolai would never insist that she leave. _

“Nikolai-”

“You should go home to Mal, Lina,” he said, cutting her off with that same soft voice that he had been using, the one that should never belong to him. It all sent alarm bells blaring in her mind, clanging the same word over and over as she stared at him, lips parted as her eyebrows furrowed together.

Something pained flashed through his eyes and Alina felt a shiver rip up her spine. So many questions were swirling around her mind, she didn’t even register whether or not Nikolai even said anything more as she finally stepped out of the door.

And then it gently clicked shut behind her, and for a while Alina couldn’t even move. She just stood there, staring at the ground in front of her feet as she tried to process. When did things change so drastically between them? She still couldn’t get a grip on the  _ why, _ when the same questions were just circling around her head like some sort of carousel of suffering that she couldn’t pull herself off of. Nikolai never just called her ‘Lina’, it was always sunshine or sweetheart or her name, spoken in that amused chuckle of his when she was being stubborn.

_ You should go home to Mal. _

The wording made something stick in her throat, as she finally, finally hauled her feet forward and into motion. As much as she wanted to turn around and kick the door open, throw her arms around Nikolai and just help him with whatever was happening, clearly he didn’t want her around at the moment.

So she went home.

She stepped in the door, where Mal looked up curiously.

“Oh, you’re back sooner than I thought.”

“Yeah, I just… didn’t really have anything to do over there.”

Mall shrugged. “Wanna watch something with me, or do you have work to do? I was going to throw on an episode or two of the Dragon Prince.”

Alina hummed aimlessly, her headspace still too occupied by her thoughts to really think. But she nodded anyway, coming over to plop down into her corner of the couch and curl up like she usually did, body controlled only by habit at this point.

For one, two, almost three episodes she just sat there, staring at the screen. She didn’t even know how long the episodes were, she wasn’t even paying attention to what was going on. All Alina could do was give little noises when Mal reacted, to at least somewhat make it seem like she was still present and watching.

The moment he turned to her though, an expectant look in his eyes, she forced herself to her feet and shook her head.

“I think… I’m gonna go lay down for tonight.”

“Huh? Alina, you okay?”

Her eyes threatened to fill with tears as she gave a hard, definitive nod and turned away, trudging up the stairs to her room to escape more securely back into her thoughts.

Nikolai hadn’t even given her a hug before she left. He never let her leave without one, he was so touchy-feely at all times that it felt  _ wrong _ that he would suddenly stop with all of it in just one night. Why? Why would he do something like that, pull away all his usual constant affection that Alina had almost come to rely on? She leaned on him so much, and she had been doing so for all these months as she worked on just trying to make her tentative dream come true.

And then he dropped her the moment she succeeded.

Maybe she had been right, all those months ago. The life of someone so high-class as Nikolai was no place for her. She was… she was only Alina Starkov. An orphan without anybody to care for her but the boy that she grew up with, the one that she had been in love with this whole time.

What had gotten into her, to think that she could achieve anything with Nikolai?

Her steps were heavy as she gently swung the door shut behind her, falling face-first into her bed. She barely had the presence of mind to kick her clothes off before crawling under the covers, finding a hoodie half trapped under her blanket where she had thrown it earlier that day before it got covered up by everything.

It was the hoodie that Nikolai had lent her, all those months ago - when they were still near-strangers, and Nikolai was just a bartender helping her through a rough night with Alina shaking from the cold and a fading panic attack.

Despite everything, she pulled it close and shoved her face into the thick fabric, sobbing hard as she did, muffling herself with it.

It didn’t even smell like him anymore, and Alina had never felt like her heart ached more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ..... don't hate me too much plz :')

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway, feedback, comments, and general screaming is welcomed and encouraged in the comments! Or come say hi at my tumblr, [@the-only-universe-here](https://the-only-universe-here.tumblr.com/)


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